Daddy Day - A Typical Barnes Experience

First up was golf at the park. Bryan set up hula hoops and gave each of the boys buckets of balls. They could win prizes by getting it in whichever hoop was appropriate for their age.

Here you can vaguely make out the sticks and hoops in the background...

Bobby is slowly learning his froggy foot :)

Next up is baseball - each kid got a turn - whoever wasn't hitting was fielding the balls or golfing

Then he took them to one of their favorite spots- the lighthouse park for some skateboarding/scooter-ing. Bobby is already trying to ollie....

Picnic at the park - (He packed the lunches FYI)

Their favorite park and this is why - the big hill that circles around the lighthouse...i close my eyes until they are all the way down...bryan does not...thankfully...

Bryan and I were talking the other night...often times we find ourselves discussing parenting...it is now our new subject that we find ourselves going back to - partly because we are constantly having to check ourselves and partly because it is our biggest stressor right now. Anyway - I was telling him the other night that when our kids are all up and grown and we are good and retired and they have kids of their own, we will have to interview them and write a book based on this experience of co-parenting the boys. It has been a very interesting experiment so far...to understate it...immensely.

Well, one totally ordinary day where I was supposed to be in the office and Bryan was on kid duty - i made a very spontaneous decision to play hookey at work. And I announced my decision after the kids were already in the car - I didn't know what the plan was, but saw a bunch of stuff in the car - so I documented the day. 

Bryan comes from a very athletic family. His mom is a pretty awesome (professional and nationally ranked) tennis player - his dad has either played it or coached it...just about every sport....and his sisters are also amazing athletes. well...that is just fine...except that i am not...i grew up dancing - our dinner conversations with my family was about our day at school and as we got older it was about politics or current events, etc - when i first sat down for a dinner with Bryan's family they were discussing whether to 2 step or 3 step hurdles. i remember this distinctly because a) i had absolutely nothing to contribute to said conversation and b) was trying to recall if i had ever even seen a hurdle in person. clearly this family had different dynamics than mine. But this has also been pretty awesome- i have this appreciation for athletics i never had before - bryan introduced me to running, which has become a love in my life. and now our children get the barnes experience. 

whenever my in-laws come visit we typically pack every bike, skateboard, roller blades, etc into the car and go somewhere...so this was a typical day for bryan, but I had to document it because a) it wasn't a special day - its what bryan does with them ALL the time and b) it is nothing like a day I spend with them. I think it is so special that three boys get to have a father around as much as they do. They do things with Bryan that I would never do - and his style is very different from mine...but then again - if we did not have the set up we did, bryson would most likely not be doing golf tournaments like he is...Bodie would not have ridden a bike without training wheels at 2 years old and Bobby certainly would not be doing ollies on his skateboard. Also - he had an amazing example of discipline in his own father. His father happens to be in charge of discipline at a High School and not only is he respected, he is also well loved. I love that Bryan is choosing to follow his example. He is tough on them, but also full of love - he is quick to apologize to them (something I am trying hard to learn- that is tough for me) and quick to forgive them. 

I have been wanting/meaning to document Bryan's golf prize box and prize wheel for a while - maybe a good motivation as a part 2 to this post, but Bryan makes it fun for them (and their friends who want prizes too) - they have the sense of practice and reward.

As you can see - I am pretty much in love with this man - pretty proud of the dad he is. it was so fun to spend a day into his way of parenting and to document part of it. 

Barnes Boys - Where They At

When I was going through the pictures from the Zoo, I knew I had to do an update post because the pictures below are so representative of all three of them right now. What a "true" portrait of each of them :)

Bodie:: Well...now I must backtrack...and say that, while I do believe this to be a true portrait of Bodie, there should also be a picture right next to it of him in time out or whining, because its either one of the two right now. But this is my blog and I like to remember the times more like this, so when I look back at mothering, this is what I remember. That joy. Bodie is such a sweet, tender soul. I mentioned his whining, but he is sincerely trying to work on it. He recently turned four and it has spawned a lot of discussion about what getting older means and subsequently a lot of discussions too on what being a good big brother means. We are so excited to see what Bodie learns this year. I believe four is such a magical age. It is definitely one of my favorite ages - their imagination! they still LOVE you! the wonder and excitement in every little thing. truly magical. Bodie is thriving in school. Making a ton of friends and apparently a bit of the class clown. We don't really NEED to put him in pre-school, but it has been so good for him, we do it for him.

Bryson:: Oh this face. this, "are you serious mom?" face. why does he not trust me? why does he think I lie about everything? Why does he question me when i try to tell him the definition of an island. You can't argue with me about the definition of an island!!! but he does...and he argues/questions/emotes on a daily basis. I was recently reading a parenting book about the importance of giving options and allowing your child to question and I threw the book across the room - so mad...i feel like that is where I went all wrong...I gave him that allowance, and now its all he does. no trust. no "okay mom" i am just dumb apparently. But really - I know/understand logically that this is a development phase and a lot of other moms of seven year olds are going through this same exact thing, but it is very, extremely, prolifically frustrating. I feel like I am in conflict all day long and at the end of the day the slightest thing sets me off. I am working on it. I know that most of this is my issue I need to work on. "You are the grown-up, You are the grown-up" is my mantra these days. 

Bobby:: Perfect picture for Bobby too. He is outgrowing the stroller, but still not understanding rules of walking like "stay by your mom" "hold my hand when we cross the street" "don't slap a dog in the face" - those kinds of simple rules that keep one safe and not dead. So he goes in the stroller a lot of the time still when there is walking around vehicles. We had my niece Hope with us at the Zoo, so we had a good ratio and he happily ran...and i mean ran...all over the zoo. Bobby is so much fun - a lot of work still and a destruction zone still, but man - what a little ray of sunshine! He had a ball at the zoo. Loved seeing the animals and tried to jump in a couple different cages...oh my...sometimes I wondered if that is where he belonged ;)

Our Christmas Break According to Instagram

Bodie turned 4 on Christmas Eve

Christmas Dinner was amazing - Bryan helped with the turkey and also make a persimmon pie...his first pie attempt and already making custom crust decorations...

Christmas present opening - so fun!

One day we took the light rail downtown and went to the Discovery Center with the kids and Bryan's parents - it was so  much fun and even though we didnt have a ton of time to explore, it ended up being the perfect amount of time and the best little excursion!

Part of my Christmas present from Bryan was a trip into the city (SF) - his parents watched the boys and we got to do all the things I love - museum, good beer, good food, dessert, back to the hotel for some book reading and getting ready for dinner, we walked to dinner and ice skated beforehand and then had an amazing dinner and a nightcap - so much fun!
The above painting is by Basquiat

This was one of my favorite things - a work in progress by Mondrian. You could see his process with the tape and hopes poked into the canvas - a fun glimpse into his creative process.

Two neat installations at the SFMoma - one was the lights ahead that followed and anticipated your movement and the other was the tile work, which was exactly 50% black and 50% white and placed in complete random order

The front of SF Moma

Cable car spotted while shopping on Market St

Skating before dinner at the Embarcadero

Chile shrimp - everything was so good at the Slanted Door

So - i brought my good camera and never took it out of the case. we managed to get a couple videos, but everything else about our Christmas break is what you see here. I was pretty pathetic at documenting our time in San Jose, but I was pretty good at being present with my kids through it - which is much more valuable, I would argue. We had a pretty amazing time - my mother-in-law woke with the kids every morning, making me feel like I was actually on some type of vacation. I felt like for the first time since I could remember I was rested. That is amazing to say. I will have to hold on to that memory because it probably won't happen for a while longer...sigh...the kids did pretty awesome too. They definitely held to a looser schedule than normal, but for the most part they rolled with it. We left San Jose feeling very grateful for family and very refreshed. It was a great way to start our little vacation!

Barnes Boys - Where They At!

Life has been particularly busy lately...I feel myself writing that/saying that a lot lately, but the holidays tend to have that effect, which is rather sad - since I feel like the advent season should be one of waiting, instead its doing...all the time...going...everywhere. The year I was pregnant with Bodie was one of the most special Christmas seasons to me. I had the most perfect excuse to not go anywhere...and not do anything. I really connected with the idea of waiting and expectation and what that means in the season of Advent. When he was born on Christmas Eve and I had such amazing people with me that did everything for me and I could just be in the moment and enjoy the season. So I am trying my hardest to find that same peace and present-ness in this season now...even with 3 kids...even with 3 boy kids!  We started doing the Jesse tree again and I am shocked at how much Bodie retained from last year. It has been fun to do something structured with them at night since often our bedtime routine can be a bit haphazard.

Don't let these guys fool you - they are like oil and water right now. Bodie is definitely exerting his authority over little bobby...but don't feel bad for bobby - he can hold his own and we have seen him take Bodie down to the ground even though Bodie has almost 20 pounds on him. bobby is a scrappy little dude! We are working on bodie not taking EVERYTHING from bobby and we are working on bobby not biting bodie. bodie is the only person he bites...but still...our feral child...ugh...

These two like each other a little more at the moment, which is nice. Yesterday after we picked up Bryson from school and put Bobby down for a nap, bodie and bryson played with legos for 2 hours!!! quietly and nicely...so much so, that i laid down on the couch and i think i fell asleep even! what? miracle, i tell you...i am thankful for them growing up in these moments. 2 hours of peace in my day feels like i am at the spa - no joke. 

Bodie in the Urgent Care - Trip #1 of 2 in the month of November. Bodie had to get some steroids to help with breathing. He had a viral infection that made him wheezy and my sister was worried about his oxygen levels so we took him in. It took 45 minutes to get him to drink the steroids...spitting it out and crying the whole time - if you are ever in this position - GET THE SHOT! holy crow...get the shot! no one tells you steroids taste like motor oil to kids...could you imagine trying to get your 3 year old to drink motor oil? it takes 45 minutes by the way...but - good news, he is much better and started feeling better even that evening, so we are grateful.

Bobby - Trip #2 of 2 to Urgent Care. On Thanksgiving his forehead broke his fall on the corner where two walls meet. it was a perfect hit - which i witnessed - thankfully bryan was there, grabbed him - i threw him a towel and ran and got some butterfly band-aids and a band-aid and we stopped the bleeding fairly soon. And luckily my niece was there and could watch the older boys so we could both take him. And luckily they let my husband hold him down so we didn't have to go to the ER to do it. Besides a somewhat traumatic stitching event (the student nurse helping with the stitches passed out) and beside having his first stitches, it went fairly smooth. The only casualty was my sweet potatoes, which i put in the oven before we left and they  were over-cooked by about 1 1/2 hours. oops. we still ate them. We had some friends over for Thanksgiving, since we were celebrating with family the next day and watched a horrible movie (on purpose) - it ended up being a great day when all was said and done. He is healing quite nicely and hopefully the scar will be as minimal as bryson's twin forehead scar. 

Speaking of Bryson - he is taking a break from golf right now and filling up the time with legos and drawing and painting rocks and sometimes playing the wii - (he was grounded until he was 7, and now enjoying his video game free time) - he seems to be a mini-teenager overnight after turning 7 - i can't handle it! he loves one direction (thank you hope!) and sings it constantly...he has perfected the eye roll...arguing with me is like the most fun thing to do apparently because he disagrees with 95% of what i say...developmentally i know this is all normal - he is searching for boundaries and expressing his voice, but man - do they have to do it so suddenly? its unnerving. he still believes in santa though, apparently - i thought the playground would have killed santa, but he wrote him a letter last night asking for " a D.S. and a soopyr moryo wii game and a babe kitin" his friend asher just got a baby kitten and bryson thinks its the cutest thing ever. 

So that is where we are at. Trying to remind myself every day to be where we are at - not try to be in the past or future. Be present, breathe, embrace.

NFTD

So Party #2 of the day was our friendsgiving, or NFTD (new fangled turkey day) - our friends from college would get together every year and do their own interpretation of Thanksgiving...only a little elevated. I am blessed to have friends that like to cook...and its mainly the guys...they love it maybe a little more than the girls. Its especially nice whenever Eric and Julia come over and Julia and I sit and sip Rose while our men cook for hours. Its pretty awesome, not gunna lie. So I had this vision in my head of this fall dinner with all our friends. Since having babies...and now multiple babies...it gets harder and harder to spend quality time together...and by quality time i mean time without kiddos :) 

I was able to find a house to rent down the street, which worked out nice, except that no house is mean to house 7 kids under 4. But my friends are pretty awesome and didn't complain and made it work. We had an amazing time - amazing dinner - great conversation - awesome toasts and very full bellies. I was so blown away by the love and respect in the room and this collection of friendships spanning 15 - 20 years - lots of history and lots of love. These people have seen me at my absolute best and my absolute worst (and they all will gladly share stories with you) and I am so grateful that Bryan and I have them in our lives. Even though the weekend was hectic and I ended up making myself sick, I was so uplifted after our time together. 

I think that this is what my 30s is all about - focusing on what is important - nurturing those lifetime friendships and celebrating even the tiniest of things. I am beyond grateful.

Bryson's 7th Olympic Party

Olympic Birthday Sandwich Bar

Bodie demonstrating the paper airplane portion, the Nerf target is in the background

The Hula Hoopla game

The party people

Bodie and his olympic torch cupcake

The only picture of Bryson that was taken...boo

The gold medal winners

The (very necessary) pinata...I was told it wasn't a party without one...so i filled it with their Halloween candy! ha!

The greedy bunch

(I am pre-dating this since I am a month late - FYI)  Bryson's 7th Birthday party. We had so much fun this year watching the olympics and seeing the amazing athletes. I told Bryson about this idea a while ago and he was all on board...then when I realized I would be having 2 big parties on the same day, both at our house, I was re-thinking my decision...but I put aside the pinterest boards and put aside trying to make it what I wanted...and focused on what would be fun for him. and it truly was. I kept it super simple and I did the majority of the decorations weeks before so I wouldn't be overwhelmed.

There were 6 events: The hula hoopla, Nerf Terf, Putt Putt Challenge, Paper Airplane Long Jump, Paper Plate Discus Throw, and The Ball Bounce. Since we had friends from out of town there with their little ones - i clumped them along with my little ones and split it up into "Jr. Olympics" and "Sr. Olympics" and picked 2 winners in each category. No one seemed to care what they won, as long as they got a gold medal...so it worked out for everyone

This was the first real party I threw for Bryson. For the most part it was a drop-off party, but I am so thankful I had so many people there to help me with all the stations. I couldn't have done it by myself! Next time though, I think 1 1/2 - 2 hours is the perfect amount of time. I had it for 3 hours and we were done in 2...oops!

I love home-spun parties like this, but after throwing Bobby's big she-bang and now Bryson's (and you know Bodie is already telling me about his monster truck birthday party he is having) I am thinking next year will be a lot more simple for all 3...like take a friend somewhere special, or family party at home...I need a year off :)

Halloween 2012

Halloween 2012 - this family costume was all bryson's idea...truly...he did his hair for church one morning like alfalfa and said he wanted to be alfalfa for Halloween - that week i happened upon a tuxedo in his (almost) size and boom...on from there. we have been getting the original series on netflix and watching The Little Rascals this whole month to get excited. What i have come to love and appreciate is that the kids all just play together. in a time of severe segregation, here are children playing together and nothing is said (by the children) of their difference in color. I don't know - it really spoke to me. That is how kids are for the most part. We adults place all kinds of silly ideas in their heads don't we?

So Halloween day was actually crazy - and this season was as well. We have had an adult dress up party (where Bryan was Andre 3000 and I was a pirate) a little kid dress up party (where Bryson was dracula, Bodie was a basketball trick guy and Bobby was an Air Force Pilot) a school dress up party for Bryson (again with the dracula) and a school dress up for Bodie (now he got to be the air force guy). I am lucky to have all boys and a big old dress up box that they can pick and choose from. I was kind of surprised that Bryson wanted to be something scary...or maybe i shouldn't but this is really the first time he talked about it.

I have learned a couple things from Halloweens past, which is why I kept their (main) costumes special for Halloween. Also a lot of the other events were during the day, which have been quite warm still. so its good to have a back up in case their costumes are full bodied.

We also kept our evening plans loose. The only regret I have is not planning someone to take pictures of us - and during the day. I am thinking about dressing the kids up again and taking better pictures because they were too adorable...and i could get away with it since they aren't too "costumey" and didn't take too long. We ended up trick-or-treating all night long and it was so fun. Bobby was having a blast. It was his first time and so cute, his little "tick or teet" and bodie was fearless - going into the houses that bryson side-stepped and just on a mission...a candy mission. i am hoping to save them a few pieces and then using the rest in a pinata for bryson's birthday party. brilliance - but the parents of the kids who get the rest of the candy may not think so...

I talked with my sister-in-law and her kids are all grown up and past the trick-or-treating phase and it made me so appreciate this short season...so fun to watch their excitement and imaginations and get swept up in the whole holiday craze...speaking of holiday craze...its Nov 1st...am I allowed to start playing Christmas music yet?