we never had doctor bills before we had kids...

goodness...it seems like every month i am surprised at a new doctor bill. when will i learn and put it in the budget? maybe i need to formally tell myself...

Dear Carlee...you really need to budget for doctors visits and ER bills...cause its just gunna get worse. just wait till Bobby starts walking.
Yours forever,
Carlee

okay...so...that still wont happen cause i havent done our budgets in like 2 years. which is a different post all together.

so i have an appointment for dear Bodie tomorrow. finally. for his constipation that has been ongoing since October 15th. i know the exact date because it all started when he had to go to the ER for his peeny-thing (which turned out to be a skin irritation...$1100 later...fun fun fun). i won't say i have tried everything, because it seems like every new person i talk to has some magic solution, but i have completely changed his diet, given him cal-mag, laxatives, enemas (when emergency), glycerin suppositories (when emergency), fiber supplements, pro-biotics, poop smoothies (that sounds gross...the smoothie is intended to make him poop, not made out of poop...just to clarify). he cried for about 40 minutes tonight while he pooped. some days its hard and black, some its less solid and a beautiful poop brown...so off to the doctor to see if there is a missing puzzle piece i am not seeing. he also has this weird red ear thing and weird skin rash on his cheek, so maybe an allergy test too?

it would be so boring if just Bodie had something wrong....Bobby finally got the cough circulating through our family so he wakes up every hour through the night. so i have that to look forward to when i go to bed.

also...bryson has his own "situation". what i have been fearing and suspecting for about a year and a half has all seemed to appear certain in the last few weeks. we have thought Bryson may have Tourette's Syndrome since before his 4th birthday and recently we are only 90% certain (not 100% because we haven't had anyone else look at him, but we know a duck when we see a duck...and hear a duck like 28,765 times throughout the day). he has picked up and dropped off different tics throughout this time, but over our stay in san jose he picked up 3 at once...forcing us to confront our fears and start researching where to begin this journey.

i tell such a thing because everything i have researched and everything says to enlighten people who may not know and educate them so that they dont make it worse. he starts school back up tomorrow and he has this crazy head tic thing and a sniffing thing and i just have a pit in my stomach that kids are going to make fun of him.

so...the point of all this...is that my kids need prayer...all of them...plus i need prayer...i am struggling. for one of the first times in my mommy-hood i am seriously questioning the stuff i am made of. i dont have an answer for any one of them...its all completely out of my control and as much as i would love to just sit back and tell you all that i have this amazing faith in God that everything will turn out just peachy, i don't right now.

i think if perhaps i was actually getting sleep i may have a different/better perspective on all of it...but that's not the case and i don't foresee it happening for a while, so there is that. if anyone has any perspective for me, i am more than open to it. i turn to my "online" community because its all i have right now. if i even found a support group i dont see when i would even have the time to make it work. how ironic is that?

dear friends and family, please remember us in your prayers. please if someone out there has any insight into Tourette's and has some direction for me, please let me know.

yours forever,
Carlee