i am really trying to find our new rhythm and its really kicking my butt. and by my butt i mean my emotional/mental butt. anyway. this kindergarten thing is starting so early for me and my lazy morning attitude. i am NOT a morning person...again...let me repeat that NOT a morning person. in fact, if i was not a mother i would sleep until 11:00 probably. every morning. but...the thing is...is that i am a mom...to boys who do love the morning...so much so that they wake at 6! so that has been my normal wake up time for almost 6 years now. and i still cant manage to get to bed before midnight...i dont know why i do these things to myself.
with us needing to be out 2 hours earlier than normal, it has meant my running time has disappeared. i need to find a time that works for us, because i really miss it...i never thought i would say that, but its true. running is like a mental exfoliant for me. both bodie and bobby are in a process of changing their rhythms too. bobby, who used to take these awesome naps - one in the morning and one after lunch - is now refusing to nap in the afternoon and bodie too is not having naps anymore. but the problem is that they both need naps. so now i pick up bryson at school and he needs to like run a marathon or something he has so much energy and the other boys are needing to rest and i dont know what to do with any of them.
i know that i will find it. i think that God has been trying to speak to me lately about my time and my control issues over it. i think a bit of letting go and some quiet time meditating is what my soul needs more than a workout or sewing a million things.
this last week i have been looking at my life and made some hard decisions in how to simplify. i am feeling really good about the direction i am taking and need to remember not to get too caught up in needing an end result. sometimes i need to just be in the process a little. and daresay i need to enjoy the process a little more as well? could that just maybe mean a sign of maturity? dont laugh mom...i can hear you laughing right now...
anyways...i guess all this over-analyzing is me trying to slow down, me trying to give myself some grace and encouragement that the process is where i need to be right now. a focus on my spirit. because lately i have not had the happiest heart with my kids. especially bryson. that boy has my buttons on speed dial. he gets home and is all beep bop beep beep boop. and then i am growling. seriously i growl sometimes at him because i dont want to yell. but growling may be worse.
so - MOPs is starting up next week and i am looking forward to sitting with other mamas and confessing that i growl sometimes and looking forward to them telling me its okay and feeling a little more sane in this crazy job. yay for commiseration!
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