Barnes Boys - Where They At

in bobby news...he must eat all meals with a fork. he also likes sitting at the kitchen table on a chair...he also tries to ride a Razor scooter. pretty much he wants to be one of the guys...now please. its mostly super cute and only kinda annoying.

this was taken round bryson's birthday. i had to document his amazing outfit that he put together. he is obsessed with my "indian boots" as he calls them...so i got him his own pair for his birthday (see the tassles on the back?) and this was his church outfit i believe...a polo under a button up...with a bow tie...and a hat...just amazing...what a style leader this one...and we are holding up our waffle egg sandwiches. bryan got me a waffle maker for my birthday and i dont think i have eaten a plain waffle yet...i have bruxie to thank for that obsession!

bodie bo...big news...he rode his bike yesterday WITHOUT training wheels! can you believe it? he is still just 2 (for one more week) bryson didnt do it till he was 4! mama is not ready for this...which is why it happened when mama was out running errands!!!! but daddy was nice enough to catch it on video for me - which i will post whenever we happen to get to our little video project...hahahahaha....

bodie is such a sweet heart....but oh man...today i almost pulled every hair out of my head and his with all his whining!!! mostly its "im just hungry" the boy is always hungry...but its really everything and anything and today i found that i have indeed reached my wall with that child and the whining.

we are celebrating bodie's birthday tomorrow and i am so excited to give him a little family party - and that he knows what is going on...he isnt one for excitement, but i think he will be over the moon tomorrow! maybe even not whine...as much...??

one can hope anyway...

Barnes Fam - Where They At

i normally do these posts just about the boys...but i am gunna jump on the update train too...so prepared to be dazzled...just kidding...nothing dazzling around here...just a lot of silliness - look at these guys...how can you ever be bored with these guys around? 

so these pics at the aquarium were taken on 11/11/11...how do i know the exact date? i came straight there to pick up the boys from watching my best friend give birth to her third baby girl - safely and beautifully at home surrounded by everyone dear to her. i dont know that i have the right words to adequately describe how much of an amazing experience that was quite yet...so i won't...until it comes to me...i am still processing it all and i think about little Penelope Claire every day and send off prayers. i know her mama knows this. 

look! i got 2 out of the 3 smiling here...that is a bonus...score! and all 3 are looking at the camera - double points! bobby just doesnt like being held in any way...

oh bobby...bryan calls him lunatic...affectionately of course! he likes to bang his head against things...like your head, the back of the car seat, the wall if you happen to be holding him near a wall, his crib, the ground...i am not sure what this is all quite about because most of the time it is done when he is happy...so we will keep you updated if any thing evolves from that.

he no longer walks...just full sprints as fast as a 14 month old can sprint. he likes to book out the front door if it is ever open. good thing bodie already trained us on never leaving the front door unattended. he is giving kisses now...which is nice...usually he just slaps you in the face or bites your lips or pulls your hair real hard. 

he is still my best little sleeper and still goes to bed around 6pm...which is real nice for mama. i think he needs the most sleep because he spends the most energy destroying all day. 

oh goodness...bryson is learning so much right now! last time i wrote, back in October he was trying to make his own words...now the kid is making sentences! so nuts...i helped out in his class the other day and their assignment was to make up and write out 5 sentences. total brag moment...bryson and this other little girl were the only ones to finish! he is so into it...just like everything else he does - he puts his whole heart into it! 

he just finished his first soccer season - they were undefeated the whole season - their team was something kinda incredible...they were passing the ball and waiting at the goal and scoring like crazy - i thought it was going to be a big dog pile on the ball for an hour, but they have actually played games. at their end of the year banquet the coach said a little something about all of them...about bryson he said, "bryson is very hard to control on the field. but he plays with his whole heart. he always wants the ball, always wants to score and that is what makes him such a good player." i leaned over and whispered to Bryan, "just like in life, huh?" the funniest part is that later on that night i asked Bryson if he heard what the coach said about him and bryson said, "not really - i wasnt really listening" HAHAHAHA!

yes - that is a leaf that we stuck in his helmet...he was actually very happy about it...dont let his bodie face fool you! this was taken up in san jose over thanksgiving - we were able to spend a whole week up there (if i am lucky another post to come)

bodie is so funny. his new thing to say is "I'm just hungry" - we hear it about 500x a day. and he usually is. the kid is eating like crazy - do you know he only weighs 3 pounds less than bryson? and he is gaining on him! bodie is doing awesome on his "new" bike. he also loves his scooter. we ride them just about every day to walk bryson to school. he gets very sad when bryson tries to turn it into a race though.

bodie is loving the Jesse Tree and bryan and I are getting a kick at seeing how much he is retaining -"Who made the earth Bodie?" and he will reply in his deep cute little voice "God" 

he turns 3 on Christmas Eve and i cant believe that 3 years have gone by since he was born. always will be the best Christmas ever!

Advent

it has been a while...i think a month...and i really missed writing in this space. i enjoy the process and there is a lot that i intend to get written down...but sadly i haven't gotten around to it. and its not that things are crazy busy either. perhaps the opposite. our lives slowed down a bit to breathe and we are all resting in that exhale right now.

because our business is so seasonally different we know that we need to take the winters to breathe and re-cooperate and enjoy the down time. we are still working a lot, but trying to take an afternoon (or two) off. or a long lunch date. or a trip to disneyland during the week. or just long walks as a family because we can right now.

i have also realized these past few years that i am in control of the family calendar pretty much - i think that it is pretty standard that wives assume this duty...maybe because our brains are like computers and we can store conflicting data in there at the same time...men's brains are like calculators...that was a total gross generalization, but in my experience this is true...doesnt mean we are smarter...just better multi-taskers. anyway - because i have a highly advanced brain, i keep the family calendar. and so in this calendar-keeping business i have realized that if i plan too much for one day...or one week...or one weekend...the whole family suffers. i really try to keep balance and am getting much better at saying no. It has helped tremendously since we keep a google calendar that we can both edit and it goes to our phones. i can see when he has auditions and golf classes with bryson etc etc etc and keep it all in mind when trying to navigate our months.

this is just what i am in the process of learning...please do not mistake me that i have it figured out...my husband will readily laugh in your face if you suggest that. this is more like a reminder to myself that this is the right track and go with your gut...if you feel like its going to be too much...it probably is.

so all this silly business to say...this advent has been such a wonderful season so far.

we got a kickstart to the season right after Thanksgiving. we got our tree and put up the lights and the boys helped me decorate...a little...and bobby helped destroy just about everything at ground level. i wouldnt expect anything less.

our evenings have been amazing. i think anyone who has known me this past year can be surprised at this statement because our bedtimes have been a couple thousand notches less than stellar for a while. around 4 my kids get possessed by the devil and then we eat around 5 and they complain about the food the whole time and then they run around like maniacs until  story time at 7 and bedtime at 7:30 when we start the awful process of torturing them with a tooth brush and tucking them in. it wasnt like that every night, but it felt like it and i would have nightmares about putting my kids to bed. literally...i dreamt about it like every night for a week at one point...isnt that horrible?

anyway - since we started advent season there has been a shift for sure. our routine after dinner is a lot more structured - we eat and then clean up...bath time and then the boys run around outside and look at the Christmas lights. then its bobby bed time. after bobby goes to bed we do the Jesse Tree - they hang the ornament, we read the Bible, talk about the story a little, re-cap on all the ornaments we have done and then the boys color a coloring page. my girlfriend suggested that part and it has been a big success. they color for like a half an hour and dont fight. that is amazing to me.

it makes the bed time so much easier since things are so structured. i am NOT a structured person and i doubt that once the advent season is over that i will be able to keep something up like this, but for now - i am loving it.

but i think i would be fooling myself if i pinned it all on the routine. it has a lot to do with my attitude and state of mind. i am realizing how powerful my attitude is on my whole family. how i have the power to change the tides with a simple change in perspective. part of this is done by God's grace and the other part is done by coffee.

i think that the advent season is so important for us as a culture and it has been for us as a family to take time out to wait and breathe and enjoy all the blessings from the past year. i hope that you are able to take some time out to drive around the block and look at the pretty lights...or have hot chocolate as often as you can...or light a fire whenever the temp drops below 60...merry Christmas!
xoxo
Carlee

this kid

...is freakin hilarious...he is cracking us up lately. i always wonder what bodie or bobby would be like as only children and last night i got a little taste when the bigger boys went to soccer practice with their daddy and i had a couple hours alone with sweet bobby b. he played so nicely...didnt cry once...played with toys actually -the little we have left- but he usually never plays with toys...its usually kitty litter or knives he finds somehow or something dangerous and/or disgusting...but not last night. last night he was as sweet as could be and so giggly and fun and oh man this kid is just pure sunshine most of the day! if i could bottle a little bobby b and send it to someone in need of a pick-me-up he would brighten their day for sure! 

he is still the hardest baby in the world to change - he still RUNS not walks...RUNS everywhere - he can say mama and dada and tickle tickle tickle and kee-ee (kitty) and ahh-duhh (all done) and learned the sign for "sorry" which he will hit you on purpose, just so he can make that sign. whenever i pick him up in the nursery people just look at me admiringly and ask me how i keep up with him...or tell me he is a handful, or a tank, or tell me how fast he is (like i dont know) or tell me how he figured out how to move the furniture so he could climb up things better...this is every day people! times three! the only scary part with this particular number three is that there is no way to watch him as closely as i could with number one...even number two...so this number three gets away with A LOT. and he knows it. and he even has a guilty face at 14 months...lately he has taken to climbing up on the kitchen chairs while i am feeding the bigger boys lunch and starts to eat a banana or something like one of the guys. i think our high chair is going to be defunct quite soon...

Birthdays

newborn bryson...was he ever that small???

my birthday and bryson's birthdays are only 5 days apart. i will always remember my birthday 6 years ago...so over being pregnant...i was so big...and dreaming about my baby boy...

6 years later...here we are! my birthday was pretty low key. my sweet husband stayed up until 1 in the morning the night before finishing his work so that we could spend the afternoon together as a family...which we did...at disneyland - and it was amazing - no lines...10 minute wait on space mountain (bryson went for his first time...and then went again since we got the baby swap pass) he also went on star tours twice.  That evening we went to dinner with friends (at Tavern on 2 - had the burger...sweet potato fries and brussel sprouts...all were loved well...and eaten completely). i got to hang out a little with my girlfriend the next day...but not long enough...but that is what happens when you have 3 kids i guess. this weekend there will be a girls party and i am quite looking forward to it!

For bryson's birthday...i just realized...i have NO pictures of the celebrations.  i think this is also a part of having 3 kids...i do not have enough free hands or time to document things as they happen. i had asked bryson if he wanted a party, or wanted to go somewhere special with a friend...he chose somewhere special with a firend...so the weekend before he took a friend to Camelot/Golf Land...we went miniature golfing...ate nasty cheesy pizza (they loved it) and played arcade games and traded in tickets for cheap-o breakable toys. bryson picked out the handcuffs and a slinky and his buddy got a slinky and a red jet :) then we went out for ice cream and opened some presents.

on his actual birthday we picked him up from school and went to disneyland again! this time California Land and bryson went on Soaring over California for his first time. i tried to get him to go on tower of terror, but he wasnt having it..our passes expire in the beginning of december and we decided not to renew them and i am all kinds of broken up about it. i know its a smart decision- i cant take all 3 by myself and we would have to pay for 4 passes next year and bryson is in school now...so its kind of like the end of this era for me. i know - so sad huh? i bet you totally pity me :) its more sad that my play-date school-free days are over...and these are very special times to me.

anyway - back to my super long birthday post. this should have been broken up...i apologize. rashelle - this is for you...its killing like 10 minutes for you...so you are welcome...okay okay...now i am really going to go back to the post...

so after disneyland we came back to the house. i had spent the entire morning setting up for bryson - i hung decorations, blew up balloons went last minute shopping...spent a super quick 20 minutes making up a scavenger hunt for him to find his *new* bike! PS...my drawings were so bad...i have not improved since kindergarten...he had to ask me on like every picture what it was...struggle...on one - i was like - thats a fridge! really? i cant even draw a fridge...

he was very excited and helped me make his own cake. he also got to pick his dinner (waffles). oh...yeah...for my birthday bryan got me a waffle maker...but more than that - he promised to make saturdays waffle saturdays...we are gunna get all kinds of good at waffles...bryan even made me some waffle sandwiches on the night of bryson's bday - prosciutto, brie, arugula and pepperjack sandwiches..yummmmmmmm...bruxie style...

we were absolutely exhausted at the end of the day...but it was good. bryan was a little peeved because it seemed like bryson didnt care much for the bike since he rode it all of 10 seconds...but every day since he has come home from school i have heard him exclaim, "oh man i love my bike". i need to get a pic of him on it soon! sorry about the lack of pictures and poor quality pictures...the rest are on various phones...but i had to document (rather lengthily i might add again) the festivities. 6 is gunna be awesome!

as a little aside...and just to make it a wee bit longer...i asked bryson the night before his birthday to make some "5" lists...since it was the last time he would ever be 5...here they are...

What were your 5 favorite memories from being 5 years old:
1. going miniature golfing with asher
2. spending the night at asher's house
3. going to colorado
4. going golfing with daddy
5. kindergarten

Name 5 things you are thankful for:
1. this food
2. this house
3. this family
4. God
5. golf

Name 5 friends:
1. asher
2. maverick
3. bodie
4. max acuff
5. bobby

Name 5 things you love doing:
1. soccer
2. golfing
3. baseball
4. going to disneyland
5. going to meemas house

Name 5 of your favorite foods:
1. spaghetti (daddy's spaghetti...i should add)
2. burritos
3. pancakes
4. waffles
5. birthday cake

Halloween

so...i realized the problem with me and Halloween...

1. i dont plan on making costumes...which needs to happen
2. i kinda make costumes all the time, so its not as a big a deal to me as my kids
3. i am cheap and i do not believe in spending money on a costume when i can perfectly well make one thank you (only i dont...so there is that)
4. my kids change their minds like every day, so its hard to commit...

next year though...next year i think bryson will be at an age where he can stick to one idea and stick through it for all the parades, parties, etc. so david bowie for sure next year bryson...promise (he was super bummed...he wanted me to find him crystal balls and everything)

this year was a little nuts as far as parties and events leading up to halloween. we had many opportunities to dress up- bryson was a vampire bat, a pirate and a soccer player (meaning he went to a party right after a soccer game and it was too hot to wear his actual costume)

bodie was mickey mouse, batman (an old costume that did not fit at all), and a pirate.

bobby...was left out a little...i threw a zoodie on him here and there, but that is all he really would take at this point...

for actual Halloween night, my sister came over to babysit Bobby while he slept so that bry and i could take the boys out trick or treating. it was not quite the turnout from last year...probably because it was a monday night...but still fun - our neighborhood gives full size candy bars...they make us look cheap...they boys ended up going as pirates...totally last minute...and i couldnt even find bodie's full costume - which is so typical of us...but he didnt mind and we had fun.

i only let the boys eat one piece of candy...and the next day i put one piece in their lunch...and then we put the candy "away" meaning we ate some, let our friends eat some. i know i can only get away with this for a couple more years...so i will! i think bryson will smart on next year though...good thing he is into the idea of the "candy fairy"!

Barnes Boys - Where They At

i realized i haven't written in this space in a while and my little boys are growing so fast i just want to take some time to document where they are all at.

and can i include myself in this post? oh good...cause these last 3 weeks have been some of the hardest and also some of the awesomest weeks i can recall. our small business has been struggling with cash flow since the beginning and just this week something happened to change that and i cant tell you how amazing it all is. there has been a serendipitous series of events around here and although i have been putting in long and trying hours, i feel really good at the end of the day - good about our future and good about my change in attitude and thankful for a business that has supported us for 10 years and lasted through 2 recessions...

Bryson is liking school and learning to read - he is starting to apply the sounds of words and connect that to writing and reading...he tried to spell "bird" on his own the other day and out came "brt" - super cute...i saved it (which is big, cause i dont save much). he is also loving soccer and has a surprising renewed interest in golf...in fact he may just be in his first tournament this sunday! what? crazy!  he had picture day today at school and chose his own outfit...a red polo with a clip n tie...love this kid! he also told me he wanted to be david bowie from the labyrinth for halloween and i might have shrieked with joy! he loves that movie almost as much as me and we always say to each other "you remind me of the babe" and the other responds appropriately. cute...my brother and i have been doing it to each other for years and now bryson is joining in on the bowie love.

bodie...he is the little heart of the family...this kid...he is so sweet, but so very 2! i can not tell for the life of me if he just doesnt get some things or he is just that stubborn. honest to paul....i can't figure him out. bryson was easy, but bodie...bodie is different. he loves riding his scooter and watching mikey mouse and playing the ipad while pooping and hanging out with me (cause i am the coolest) and he loves his school...he also is starting to come out of his shell just the slightest bit...we still struggle with saying hi instead of giving someone a mad dog stare...but he is improving! lately his catch phrase is "i'm just feeling better" in a whiney way, which makes us think its either him saying he isnt feeling good, or it is just a general way to try to distract us from what we just told him to do and has nothing to do with anything...like i said...he is a tough nut to crack...

now this one...this guy may be the smallest...but he is a big presence - trust me...this kid is into everything! he is the biggest destroyer i have ever seen. i am so lucky he goes to bed at 6 because by then i am just done! so done...so exhausted from chasing his tornado trail. he is the sweetest most adorable...most melt every strangers heart kinda kid, but man can he make a mess! love this crazy kid...he is going to be a hoot i can already tell! 

i have been cooped up in the office so much this week i have actually had time to kinda miss these boogers! i think i have the bulk of the work i needed to get done, done so we are going to try to make use of our disneyland pass or do something silly with them to make up for being stressed out and working all the time...i think disneyland equals like a week in the office...

First Day of Pre-School

oh goodness...can you tell he is all kinds of excited? i love this picture! 

bodie started up at pre-school last week (at Bryson's old pre-school). He is going for 2 mornings a week, in hopes that i will have a couple of mornings to tie up work stuff, so that i don't have to do 3 full days in the office. its also not entirely selfish - bodie loves the school so much and every time we would pick bryson up there would be major tears and fits because he wanted to stay too. 

the mornings where both bigger boys are in school and bobby is napping is starting to get my mind wrapping around what to do when the boys are in school. i told bryan yesterday that in 5 years when bobby starts i wanted to start doing a job that i actually want to do. so i guess i gave him my 5 year notice of intent to quit :) its exciting to think about using my brain again. i feel like any time i sit down with other adults and have an actual discussion there are cobwebs in my brain space...we need to clear those out and fire up them synapses carlee! now i just need to figure out exactly what that thing is that i would want to do...i guess i have 5 years to figure it out, but its still fun to start thinking what i want to be when i grow up!

3 Years

sorry for the blur, but i love this picture of her!

carving pumpkins at our house a week before bryson was born...love the pumpkin on the pumpkin bump!

i still miss my friend...like a lot. today marks 3 years since she passed and the pain i feel is still raw. as raw as it was when i wrote this too. i remember at her funeral the priest likened grieving to carrying around a treasure box full of their presence and memories and right now the treasure box is very cumbersome and hard to carry around, but over time it will become a little easier and then easier - but you will always carry their treasure box with you. i relate to that. my treasure box filled with devon has become a lot more portable, but no less present.

i think of her still EVERY time i see Big Lots (and thats a lot where i live) and every time i go to Trader Joe's - Devon was not so very gifted in the kitchen and everything she cooked was from Trader Joe's - like their pizza bread was her fave and she always heated up some frozen appetizer like every time you came over. she knew like a hundred recipes you could do with only 4 T.J. ingredients...it was amazing.

i also think of her whenever i go to a girls night and just think of how she would not miss this! she lived for parties...especially ones with a theme. she liked themes. i think of her when i see my keys and that keychain she made me of bryson when he was 3 months old is still on there...5 1/2 years later! little thoughts from that treasure box float around my brain and as much as they make me sad and realize the little hole she left in my heart, they also comfort me because if i can't have her around, then i must have her memories with me always.

i miss you friend. you left us all way too soon, but hope you are having a big ole themed party up there in heaven right now - i am giggling now because i am picturing you boss all the angels around and tell them where to put the chairs...hahaha...you tell em girl!

Bryson's First Soccer Game

bryson loooooves soccer. he loves most sports, but currently soccer is, like, the best. he got home from his first practice and had like super energy - it was nuts. i thought he had mixed up red bull with his gatorade or something...

he told me "mom, my coach said its okay to swipe the ball from someone. normally you shouldn't swipe things, like in dora - swiper dont swipe me - but its okay in soccer. so thats what i did mom. i swiped the ball mom. if someone had the ball i would just swipe it"

i hope he swiped it from someone on the opposite team.

he is on the team with his best friend (see him and asher in the last picture) and i think that is pretty neat. they also look pretty cute in their little uniforms. they also run a lot. for an hour they run. in the sun. so bryson was a little ruined afterward. so the lesson for me is to have rest time after the games. enforced rest time. indeed. and the sugary snacks can be a reward for AFTER rest time. because i believe that also added to the drama. 

i feel like i am navigating in this sports world like a little alien. its all very new to me. it seems like most parents care very deeply and loudly about the games...and they just don't have that effect on me quite yet. i mean, i cheer for him and all, but the yelling and up off the seat going nuts isn't quite where i am at...maybe in a year or two after my feet get wet? i just dont know any rules to any sports either - i am finding out. i never played anything except for in P.E. and when i got to High School i just danced from then on and did nothing else. i am lucky bryan knows his way around and thinks to correct them on how to hold the bat, how to kick the ball, etc. and i believe it will come eventually...so i am not too hard on myself. and of course, i always have a little hope that one of them will want to dance...although its not looking that way so far...but still...hope...it costs nothing to do that! 

bbq

i love everything about this picture. the end.

our new rhythm...or rather the process...

i am really trying to find our new rhythm and its really kicking my butt. and by my butt i mean my emotional/mental butt. anyway. this kindergarten thing is starting so early for me and my lazy morning attitude. i am NOT a morning person...again...let me repeat that NOT a morning person. in fact, if i was not a mother i would sleep until 11:00 probably. every morning. but...the thing is...is that i am a mom...to boys who do love the morning...so much so that they wake at 6! so that has been my normal wake up time for almost 6 years now. and i still cant manage to get to bed before midnight...i dont know why i do these things to myself.

with us needing to be out 2 hours earlier than normal, it has meant my running time has disappeared. i need to find a time that works for us, because i really miss it...i never thought i would say that, but its true. running is like a mental exfoliant for me. both bodie and bobby are in a process of changing their rhythms too. bobby, who used to take these awesome naps - one in the morning and one after lunch - is now refusing to nap in the afternoon and bodie too is not having naps anymore. but the problem is that they both need naps. so now i pick up bryson at school and he needs to like run a marathon or something he has so much energy and the other boys are needing to rest and i dont know what to do with any of them.

i know that i will find it. i think that God has been trying to speak to me lately about my time and my control issues over it. i think a bit of letting go and some quiet time meditating is what my soul needs more than a workout or sewing a million things.

this last week i have been looking at my life and made some hard decisions in how to simplify. i am feeling really good about the direction i am taking and need to remember not to get too caught up in needing an end result. sometimes i need to just be in the process a little. and daresay i need to enjoy the process a little more as well? could that just maybe mean a sign of maturity? dont laugh mom...i can hear you laughing right now...

anyways...i guess all this over-analyzing is me trying to slow down, me trying to give myself some grace and encouragement that the process is where i need to be right now. a focus on my spirit. because lately i have not had the happiest heart with my kids. especially bryson. that boy has my buttons on speed dial. he gets home and is all beep bop beep beep boop. and then i am growling. seriously i growl sometimes at him because i dont want to yell. but growling may be worse.



so - MOPs is starting up next week and i am looking forward to sitting with other mamas and confessing that i growl sometimes and looking forward to them telling me its okay and feeling a little more sane in this crazy job. yay for commiseration!

bryson - an udpate

i wanted to give a little update on bryson and his tics. back in january of this year we learned that bryson has chronic tic disorder...and the doctor warned us that if he started developing OCD tendencies it could develop into Tourette's, but she didn't see that with Bryson. only the tics and behaviors peak around 9/10 years old...so i am not completely counting it out, but trying to remain hopeful.

luckily bryson stopped his head tic and scrunching up the face tic before kindergarten started. right now he does these spins...with his whole body. sometimes obsessively (in the car before he gets in his car seat, in his bed before he lays down, by the couch before he sits, if he is walking a long way...etc) it doesnt bother us at all, but i feared that it may become a distraction to the teacher and the other children if he stands up and does it during class (which he does all the time at home)

i tried to explain all of this to Bryson as best i could. we had this funny conversation about how some people say things that aren't nice. we asked him what he would say if someone made fun of his rat tail - he said, "I'd say So! its just a rat tail. i like it!"  - best. answer. ever. love that kid! so i tried explaining that his spinning might interrupt class. i think he got it. i dont really know what he thinks about it at this point or how much it affects him. his friends never say anything and i think bryan and i are the most sensitive to it all.

i know that bryan and i had an amazing talk about it the other night and i believe we are on the same page as far as bryson goes - we both want to give him skills to control them if he can (breathing techniques, behavior therapy, etc) and also let him know that he is fully accepted and loved. i know he is still young, but i also know how kids can be on the playground.

so far he is doing great in kindergarten. yesterday he told me his favorite part is the science lab and his least favorite part was all the sitting, "it makes me feel like i am in time out, mom" - ohhh..sad day! i told him that is how his daddy felt too, which made him feel better...

in other news, i am developing a kid-sized hamster wheel for bryson to enter every morning before kindergarten. so far everyone i have talked to is behind my new invention as long as it is made of rubber or something...

Bobby at 12 Months

bobby...wow...one. and boy are you ever a ONE year old! you just decided to start walking a couple of weeks ago and now you are pretty much a pro! you run. its sad to mama. in fact mama is quite upset that you do not seem to understand that your role as youngest child is to be the baby and also a mama's boy. nope. not in your cards. you are all about exploring EVERYTHING and do not want to be held or kept from that by no means! you are such a happy child. you bring so much joy to everyone who has the pleasure of seeing you. even perfect strangers cant help but be charmed by you. it definitely makes up for the fact that you do not want any part of baby-hood.

you are by far my easiest child when it comes to sleeping. you take 2 amazing 1 1/2 hour naps and prefer to go to bed at 6:00. i love it. please dont change that ever k? you like to do everything yourself, including eating. you are not a fan of someone trying to shove a spoon in your mouth. its just not okay in your mind. you like all types of food and will generally eat everything we put in front of you, which is also very unlike my other children. please dont change that ever too k? 

right now your favorite toy is remote controls and dvds and combs. but more than that you like playing in the dirt with your brothers and riding your new little push car (thank you grauntie stephanie and gruncle darrol!) or chasing the cat or jumping into pillows. you are the hardest baby in the world to change still...it goes all against that whole wanting to be out exploring everything bit...

i love you so much bobby b! we are so blessed to be your parents and as much as it saddens me that this house will not have another baby in it again, it makes me so thrilled watching you grow up - you are so fun and i can't wait to see your little personality blossom!

kindergarten

i have been a bit of a cliche mess this last week with kindergarten starting for bryson. i have so many conflicting emotions and thoughts on this subject and just needed to jot them all down...a part of my process...if you will...

its not surprising to you, if you know me, that i dont believe in public schooling. its all very political and boring and i dont want to write an essay about that, but the idea of public schooling as an idea - i am opposed to and i think what is happening now in California schools is such a result of that. so here i am about to put my own child in a public school and i feel super hypocritical about it in many ways. my husband and i talked about our alternative options and the two main ones being private school and homeschooling. one we can't afford with money and the second with time.

also - with homeschooling - i love it...bryan was homeschooled for a period and we have an amazing support system with our church and i know a grip of moms who do it and do it amazingly and were i the type of mom who could juggle teaching and working and somehow getting two kids three and five years younger than my kindergartener out of the way...i would totally do it. i still haven't ruled out the idea and it is definitely something i think we will revisit at some point, but for now it would be too much.

so anyway...here we are. and the saving grace in all of this is that bryson's school is just about the best thing you could ask for in a public elementary school. i have been blown away by the office staff, teachers and principal (who goes to our church as well).

one of the reasons this is hard for me is that the weeks leading up to kindergarten were so wonderful. we had hit our stride as a family and bryson has been doing really well and was calming down and just super fun and amazing. the other boys have been really easy too and it was just these couple weeks of an amazing end to a summer. so part of me sending him off was feeling like its all the end. its the end of the summer, but also the end of playdates and our own schedule. for the past 6 years i have taken my boys and had to answer to no one (last year bryson was in pre-school, but only 3 days a week) - and now - if i drop him off late to school he gets a tardy slip...totally forgot about those!

so it all kinda hit me dropping him off - sending him off to class - that this is the rest of his childhood. here. at this school (if we choose not to homeschool) and it was all very hard hitting. i have realized too that our normal routine of leaving the house after breakfast and running around like crazy to get bryson's energy out is disrupted, so that means he is out of control in the afternoon. i need to buy a treadmill for him or figure something out where he can get out his energy in a positive way....because right now - its not so positive.

so i guess my thoughts are a lot more jumbled than i realized...i have this guilt about putting him in a system i dont believe in whole-heartedly...i have this guilt that he is sitting down for 3 hours instead of doing what a little boy should do in my mind and run like mad and learn as he goes....i have this sadness that my little playmate is gone...i have this conviction that now his character will be put to test and all the "work" bryan and i have done to strengthen that character will also be put to test...and above all i have this hope that he will thrive in this environment because bryson tends to surprise me pleasantly in situations where i question his resolve.

and through it all i realize that these feelings are indeed not one of a kind...that moms all over the world have gone through and felt a lot of these same feelings and i look over as i am dropping him off and see a mom trying to hold back tears and it comforts me a bit. i see another mom's look of horror when they tell us that they don't check on who is picking our kid up from school. i see a child's nervous smile as mom is taking his picture on the first day and i realize how very normal it all is...whatever that means.

Summer Recap via Phone Pics

Camping in Doheny withy my bro and his fam

lots and lots of this

bobby goes in the backpack...and our hair matches

and he loves the slide

and he walks now

lots of "treasure hunting" aka: geo-caching

a date with my oldest...so fun!

lots of this too...

my dance competition

jam on it

bodie and bryson truckin at the fair

yogurtland!!!