Halloween

I am not one of those moms who plan for Halloween far in advance. I can not keep up with the evolving list of costume desires. I saw the cutest little lumberjack on a blog and thought the boys could all wear the flannels in the coming holiday season, so i had lumberjack costumes for them. Bryson had the hardest time deciding...first he told me he wanted to be Peter Pan, so I made him that costume, he poo-pooed it and told me he meant Harry Potter...we located a Harry Potter costume (next door - free!) and then he changed his mind again...the night before Halloween Bryson still hadn't landed on a costume and my mummy idea failed, so he decided to be a "miner" not a lumberjack, the difference being he sported camo pants instead of jeans (?) and carried a "bag of gold" and a plastic canteen. For Halloween night he wanted to be something scarier, so he dug through the costume box and found this red cape and wore some fake vampire teeth and voila - vampire.

Bodie was a ninja at a birthday party and the lumberjack for both his school and Halloween night. Originally he also wanted to be a "golf guy" but i guess he liked the beard.

Bobby would have nothing to do with the beard and insisted on being a lion, so i made his mane (isn't that obvious?) and tail and found this cute vest at Old Navy

Bryan and I threw on some flannels, and Bryan for some reason threw on this gross wig...and we spent the evening walking around our neighborhood trick-or-treating - running into all kinds of Fremont friends. It was a fun evening and we fell even more in love with our neighborhood. so fun!

Birthday Month

I had to document this weekend because it really was an amazing birthday weekend, especially since none of it was too "planned". I had a big birthday party last year that was amazing and very planned and so this year i just kept it on the down low. Also, my cousin Melissa was getting married the day before my birthday, so there was already a party that someone else was planning that involved all kinds of people I love, so who could top that? certainly not I! So Friday night found me and 7 other close friends at dinner. 3 of us all celebrate birthdays the first week of November. Not only that, but our kids all celebrate birthdays late Oct/early November as well...so you can see how November can be a busy month for all! I loved celebrating with these ladies. Truly blessed to know such amazing good people. Just solid, good, drama free women...my favorite kind. I left dinner feeling encouraged and warm inside, and I think that is how good friendships should make you feel - don't you agree? 

On Saturday we had our soccer games and grocery shopping, then headed out to the wedding. The wedding was amazing and my cousin (and her mama) did an absolutely phenomenal job. Every little detail was considered - I can't wait for the pictures to come out for you all to see. Just simply perfect. So happy for her and Justin and so much fun to spend time with that side of my family. I got me some amazing cousins! 

Sunday was my actual birthday and Bryan told me to get dressed because we were leaving, but didn't tell me where. We ended up going to Santa Barbara for the day and hanging out with our dear friends and just no plans, which is sometimes the best plan, which happened to be the case on Sunday. We walked along State St with the kids and pointed out significant places to them (that is the coffee shop where mommy and daddy first met each other) and them not caring AT ALL. ha! and we played a bit of soccer and then an early dinner and headed home since we had planned a Bad Movie Night like the night before...again going with the hardly planned theme. Our movie was Garbage Pail Kids: The Movie, which was truly terrible. After the movie we got to play this horrible game I got for my birthday (thanks Mom!) and luckily the people we played with had good senses of humors and didn't get (too) offended. Man - that game is amazingly offensive - it was pretty epic...i may have snorted at least 12 times. 

A big thank you to my husband for making the whole weekend so special and another big thank you to everyone who celebrated with me. I think in the course of the weekend I was able to see so many people who are instrumental in my life - from old friends to new friends to family to friends from far away - humbled and blessed to be connected to all these amazing people and starting my Monday with a big smile plastered on my face! And if I didn't get to see you this weekend, don't worry - there is a month long expiration on birthday celebrations, so you have until the end of November to celebrate with me...and seriously not kidding...its a true thing...

Barnes Boys - Where They At?

October - Fall and our yearly tradition of apple picking happened this month...although we got there late in the season (usually we go mid-september) and there were no apples to be picked...it was still so fun - they boys picked the last remaining raspberries and we made it through a corn maze (bryson led us astray too many times, so we put bodie in charge and he led us out and was sooooo proud of himself - really cute stuff) and we picked pumpkins from the vine and of course brought back some yummy apple cider and apples. Bryan and I talked about how fun it is to be creating our own family traditions and how every year it is going to be more fun than work ;) this year was especially fun with their ages. I just love 3 years old. I could leave the tantrums, but this is just so fun!

Bodie - our little soccer star! it is so fun to watch him play a sport finally! he is also in a children's choir at church and every day he asks me 1. do i have school today mom? and then 2. do i have soccer today mom? and then 3. do i have my singing class mom? this boy is very much like his dad and likes to know "the plan" and what is expected of him. He gets very sad if the answer to all three questions isnt "today" - we listen to his choir music in the car and he practices his little hand motions and it is really the cutest thing. We are trying to work on singing louder...but that may take a while -he whisper sings right now. I think it is so good for Bodie to be involved in things a part from his brothers - he gets such a sense of pride and confidence - he just beams! (p.s. being a fellow middle child, i get it!!!)

Bobby - oh man - this kid is so full of charm and spit and vinegar and all that. He melts your heart one minute and makes you want to just lock him up in a kennel (i would never) the next minute. He is still amazingly destructive and energetic - the other day he rode his scooter 5 miles with Bryan. and then once they got where they were going he ran around for another hour or so. This kid could power a city. He is talking up a storm too - he cracks us up. Having two older brothers he just thinks whatever they like is cool - which right now happens to be these things called Bey Blades (they are like plastic tops you launch with a launcher) so you hear him and Bodie "battle" their bey blades (which they dont have any - they just find random things and call them bey blades) and you can hear bobby yell "let it rrrrrriiiiippppp" all day. Bodie and Bobby spend a lot of time together these days while bryson is at school and they are learning to play better together...and by that i mean they only fight like 50 times a day now. 

Bryson - A few weeks back Bryan took Bryson to see this movie/documentary called The Short Game and ever since then Bryson has been OB-sessed with golf. He is doing really well too and we recently found out he was invited to play in the Monterey Championships. It is a 2 day tournament in Monterey and he will have some stiff competition and he is stoked! This picture is of Bryson on picture day at school and let me have you know i had zero to do with both the outfit and the paper towel handkerchief in his pocket. This kid has his own style and no one can tell him what is cool. i love it! I feel like bryson is never really ho-hum about anything - he goes from one obsession to the next and right now it is his praying mantis and also his lizard pets. He wants a bearded dragon something awful, but right now is taking very good (daily) care of his bug and reptile.

Things are settling into a routine and it feels nice to have a rhythm again. We are working on ever-changing Halloween costumes and tackling homework and right now I am reading them the Chronicles of Narnia before bed. We are on book #2 and it is so fun. I love that Bryson is enjoying them as much as I did!  

Barnes Boys - Where They At?

September - the weather is cooling down, school has started (for all three!!) and dinners are being cooked during breakfast (my favorite). We are still adjusting to the new schedule of weekday school/sporting practices and weekend sporting games. I am enjoying the (somewhat) cooler weather, the earlier mornings and the two mornings the little ones are in school- i get soooooooo much done- its amazing!

Bodie O - Soccer star! I missed his first game, but the second one last weekend - he played so well! 4 goals!!! he was unstoppable - i asked him how he got so good, he replied,"because i was zigging and zagging" and bryson walked over and said, "yeah - i taught him how to do that" -so stinkin cute! and bryson was cheering him on the sidelines...it was so sweet - ah brothers...my brother would never have gone to a dance competition and cheered for me...but maybe that is just my brother and not indicative of sibling relationships as a whole...at any rate - bryson was super proud of bodie too - and bodie is just LOVING soccer. he asks me every day if he has practice (he doesn't during the week) but wishes it were every night. Bodie is also playing with Bobby more...which is the good thing...the bad thing is that if Bobby does not wish to play whatever game with Bodie it turns ugly...Bodie feels strong emotions about that.

Bodie also started pre-school again. This is his third (and final) year. He and Bobby go 2 mornings a week for 3 hours. He has Bryson's old teacher and she is finding out how different the two boys are first hand. It's cute!  

Bryson - here he is with his golf coach - Mr. Mike Krantz - eyeing his putting line...or something...Krantz is great for Bryson - very patient and only tells him a couple of things at a time. We have noticed a lot of improvement. Bryson is in soccer and golf - in fact last weekend and this weekend is soccer games on Saturdays, golf tournament on Sunday. Bryan has been super patient with him as well - I don't know how he does it so well - 5 minutes with Bryson and homework and I'm ready to lose it! But Bryson has been doing great in both sports. He wrote in his class little introduce yourself project that when he grows up he wants to be a professional golfer. Speaking of which, he started the second grade...which is weird for me to even write that down. His teacher seems really great - and although he had a rough few weeks in the beginning -he told me the other day that he is actually starting to like school - so yay! that made me happy because my heart was breaking to see him so defeated every morning. 

Every night before bed I have been reading The Magician's Nephew to the boys. Bryson is at the perfect age for this. He gets mad every single night when I finish the chapter because C.S. Lewis does a great job at ending every chapter in some cliff hanger fashion. It has been great to see the correlations he is making on his own about the Bible and the story and it is a great springboard for conversations about big moral questions, biblical questions and also literary devices (i.e. cliff hangers). The last time I read this was 5 years ago and I only know that because I remembered blogging about it way back when. It is just as much fun for me to read it as it is for him to listen, I'm sure!

Bobby - First day of pre-school. He has Bodie's teacher from a few years ago and she is seeing what how different the last two are - ha! understatement of the year. She told us this morning, wow...that Bobby...he can sure...play! i think she was trying to find a nice way to say how exhausting he is? We are in the throes of potty training right now. yesterday he wore underwear out for the first time. I had to change him 4 times, then just put a pull up on him before his nap and never changed him out of it. He pooped in the potty 3 different times that morning and then pooped in his pull up before bed. It seems like every step forward we make, we take a step back...I know he will get there - just wasn't expecting him to be our toughest to potty train! I mean...come on...he has 3 teachers! It is hard to stay mad at that face for long. Its pretty pointless actually...he lights up our world!

A Shift, A Shower, A Seedling

Photo from Missie's shower this weekend, Me, Missie and my sister - photo stolen from FB - taken by Jennifer Johnson

I had a really wonderful weekend. I came to sit down to work today and read some blogs and had my coffee, which i like to do before i start my day - puts me in a creative/working mode i find...anyway - there were quite a few blogs that had sweeping realizations and lots of reflective posts, which was odd because i have had some thoughts swirling in my head from this weekend that i felt compelled to share here. I have been reflecting on my summer and what was different about this summer- because when i look back at the summer as a whole - it felt really balanced. this is not normal for me - usually i never say no to anything - i overpack my schedule and overcommit my time, but this summer i was super mindful of only traveling a couple weekends per month. of planning on "catch up" days around the house. i did not have a lot of community this summer- not nearly enough play dates and catch up time with girlfriends that i had every intention on doing. But we did have some great camping vacations with friends and a wonderful long weekend with bryan's family, so i suppose there was that, but of course the extrovert in me would always be down for more! I have found my thoughts shifting more and more toward simplicity. There was a big shift last year when we realized that all the material "things" and "stuff" in our house was causing fights, rather than encouraging play - so we downsized on stuff....a lot. Got rid of about 75% of their toys. The things we kept were their scooters, bikes, etc, a few board games and puzzles, and their hot wheels and monster trucks. These are the things that most often get played with, so everything else went to the goodwill. this had an amazing effect on our kids...and seeing that and witnessing how much better they play when there isn't "stuff" made me think about my own relationship with "stuff". i narrowed down too. I took a step back and realized that I have a problem with "stuff". I am not healed of that problem - i have a long ways to go, but there has been a small seedling planted and is now growing - of being mindful with things and cautious and deliberate.

I think my seedling of "simplicity" that started a while ago is really starting to flourish, when i think about my days and weeks and months. I have realized that although i am not a planner by nature, planning has really helped create balance in our home. Being thoughtful and intentional with planning ahead - meals, car pools, etc. has been my saving grace.

I have also noticed a shift in my attitude. The other day I was making these bracelets with bryson and he started getting really frustrated. i told him, "you know bryson, i got you these things because i thought you would have fun making them. i thought you enjoyed a challenge. things aren't always easy when we first start, but part of the fun is learning how to do it and how to do it better each time. It's why i like to sew and knit." and then i realized i was talking to myself because i haven't had that joy each time. I then started thinking about my own attitude and perspective on other "chores" like cleaning and making dinner. I started to desire to not just do it, but to do it and love it and enjoy it. can i tell you what an amazing "aha" moment this was. I took my own advice i was giving to my son and what do you know? i probably needed it more than he did! It has been really powerful to not just get through cleaning the kitchen, but changing my attitude about the whole thing has become a really empowering idea (having uplifting music helps this attitude!).

anyway...i am not always grinning ear to ear picking up the millionth hot wheel on the ground, or trying to pick granola out of a shag rug...or cleaning pee from the umpteenth sheet this week...so please don't let me give you the wrong impression - i am still a small seedling in this area, but my desire is to nourish and grow that little seedling into a beautiful tree - bearing fruit and all...if i can take the metaphor even further, please.

this weekend my sister and i had the pleasure of throwing a bridal shower for our cousin Melissa. It was such a joy to do and i truly loved making each little thing - partly because i enjoy that, but also I knew Melissa would appreciate it since she enjoys the same sort of thing. It was a small family shower and it was such a joy to just sit and chat with all the amazing women in our family. I wasn't the one getting married, but left it feeling so blessed to be from such good stock. to have such support within our family. to feel like no matter what kind of time has passed you can pick up wherever you left off. it was beautiful and wonderful and none of the decorations or food or anything else mattered nearly as much as that.  i am still basking in that love from that day and hope the bride to be feels the same!

Barnes boys...where they at?

We are approaching the end of Summer. This has been seriously one of the best summers ever and I am so thankful that Bryson has documented all his experiences. Let's be honest though...he did NOT always want to do it..like never...he was cool with it the first few times and then it was like homework. Speaking of which, I am sooooo not looking forward to the homework battle. I'm trying to figure out ways to not make it a battle...basically I am always trying to figure out ways not to battle Bryson, but I will save that for his update...but back to reflecting on Summer. I feel like our business is in a much better place - I feel like our kids are a little older and (a teensy) bit easier to be out and about on your own with and dare I say it...even enjoyable...I am really going to miss our lazy mornings and sleeping past 7 and no homework battles and no schedules except the ones I made and being all together and eating lunch together almost every day. So long summer of 2013 - you were good to us! 

Bobby!! 

The Awesome - Bobby has been talking sooo much this summer and just about everything that comes out of his mouth is adorable (except when he tourretically shouts butt and poo poo and pee-nee because he thinks it's funny) He is such a trooper - you can take him anywhere and it is just all awesome to him. He is on the brink of turning 3 and at the age where nap times can be skipped so bed time is easier, and this summer we were about whatever the day held and not so much his napping schedule and he was a trooper. Yesterday as I was changing his diaper he looked at me and said, "Mom - you are superman" - in the sweetest way. I  can't really describe how awesome this was - but I could tell it was his way of telling me he loves me. it was super sweet.

The Not-So-Awesome - Bobby is such a little sneak! and a destructive sneak. I came out to the living room this morning to find piles of granola in our shag rug...then in his room and look - there is another pile of granola all over the floor...its like he went around the house throwing granola everywhere. I have never owned a monkey, but I suspect having a pet monkey would be very similar to living with Bobby - let's throw this over here because why not? His level of destruction is like unbelievable. I have put off even thinking about buying any piece of furniture or anything nice for our house until Bobby is like 14 and maybe capable of being able to not destroy something.

                           

Bryson!!
The Awesome - Bryson placed #6 in his age division in his region for golf. The scores were calculated over the course of the tournaments he played this summer. The kids who play these tournaments are super serious - practicing every day...seriously like little PGA players - so the fact that Bryson, who plays other sports and practices not too often (1-2x week) is pretty incredible. He is a natural and we hope he continues to love the sport and not get caught up taking it too seriously. He lost his other front tooth and now sports a new smile and the cutest lisp and instead of calling him "straw hole" Bryan calls him "spoon hole" and we all laugh. 

The Not-So-Awesome - Bryson is struggling big time right now controlling his emotions. He cries almost every day about something. I am seriously losing all compassion when he cries - its a problem. We have talked with him every day about self-control about self-discipline and about his selfishness. I oscillate between freaking out that we are doing something horribly wrong and assuring myself this is just his battle and every child has a battle and this is his. and then i freak out all over again. He is not excited about school starting at all. He told me he wants to be homeschooled (because his best friend Asher is homeschooled and told him he only has school for 3 hours a day)  I told Bryson if he didn't argue/whine/cry about homework for 2 months I would consider it...not holding my breath though...

Bodie O!!!
The Awesome - Bodie is my little cuddle bug. Although he usually picks times right after I punish Bryson for something to come cuddle me (stinker) He is always trying to show affection. He has such a great heart. I love having at least one kid that lets me love on them and can hang out and not squirm everywhere - hugging bryson and bobby is akin to hugging an eel...true story. 

The No-So-Awesome - Bodie is lying. Like lying lying. Like all day long lying. I remember my mom telling me that this is a totally normal thing for 4/5 but I can't remember Bryson doing it to this extent...but maybe that is also selective amnesia...but the lying and the not listening are really wearing on me. It is super hard for me to stay mad at this kid - but these days he is successfully doing that to me. We will get through this. This too shall pass...repeat that phrase 100x and you have the mantra playing in my head on a daily basis.

The day I lost my stuff...

Yesterday I just lost it. I did. Let me just recount part of my day which included trying to get the boys to pick up after themselves before we left for the day...simultaneously trying to make sure they are all quiet while picking up (read: impossible) because we have someone who works for our business in our house and requires a peaceful work environment...trying to pack lunches and clean the house while they are running through the house screaming. Trying to get them outside while I pack lunches and freaking out when they are trying to do some skateboard trick off the kitchen door steps.

Then we head to the park where I hoped to run them around and get their energy out before I ran errands...then fast forward to the thrift store where I had to tell them 4 times not to run and not to touch EVERYTHING and when we leave Bodie tells me the lady gave her a car...which I know was not the truth since I was at the counter. I told him if he told me the truth he wouldn't be in trouble, but if he lied to me he would be punished...he then confessed that he found it on the floor and I made him go back into the store to return it (after we were all 4 already in the car and buckled can I add?) then I ran to my friend's store to pick up something I had ordered and they were basically totally out of control - but especially Bryson - causing fights and taking things and pushing his brothers around and not listening to me, so they lost out on getting a cake pop. when bryson heard that due to the way he behaved in the store he and his brothers would not be getting cake pops he collapsed in the middle of the driveway and started screaming/bawling. Can I pause here to tell you Bryson is almost 8 years old? Also bodie was whining and bobby was literally screaming because they just found out they wouldn't be getting their treat they were looking so forward to. So in the car I just lost it. I was embarrassed, frustrated, frazzled, you name whatever intense emotion and I was feeling it. I laid into Bryson for 10 minutes about how his actions affect everyone around him. His punishment for not listening and not staying still was that he had to lay on my bed for 1 hour - no talking - no getting up. When the hour was over he had to do chores all afternoon until dad got home.

That hour when he was in the bed and bobby was also napping was the only hour in my day I felt like I could hear thoughts in my brain and where I didn't feel like running away. Then the hour was over and all that remorse he felt in the car just went away and getting him to do the chores was like pulling teeth...I just couldn't anymore. I just felt like all the fight and all the no, no, no, no and all the punishing and all the correction for all three of them was just weighing on me like a huge damp smelly dank blanket and I couldn't take it.

When Bryan got home I was just a mess. Almost in tears...fighting back tears...i knew I would be no good and Bryan could just see me defeated he told me to just go and he would take care of them. and can i tell you how much I love that man - I could have chosen to lay into him about what a horrible day I had and take it out on him, but instead i just showed the broken-ness and because he loves me immensely (for some reason) - he took care of me. I packed a bag and headed to the gym and I worked out for 2 hours. I did my usual 45 minutes on the elliptical, but at the end, I just said - nope- not done - I worked out harder than I have since I broke my ankle. I made sure to sweat out all that rage and frustration and guilt I was feeling about my day. When I finished and went to a room to do my core work, i had to fight back tears again. There is something super cleansing about physical exercise - the endorphins your body releases...the cleansing act of just sweating out toxins in your body - it releases a lot. I have had my most eye opening talks with God while running - personal breakthroughs. So then I finished and went and sat in the jacuzzi by myself and reflected by myself. I can't remember the last time I have been able to do that. My mind started drifting all over the place, like - what? we can think? lets think about EVERYTHING. ALL AT ONCE. so i took a deep breath and started praying and focusing my thoughts and God started showing me things.

The first image that came into mind was of a girl that we had met at the park that day. A 14 year old girl who was severely developmentally disabled - she couldnt speak but came up to me and grabbed my hand and led me over to the swings because she wanted me to push her...so I did...and God showed me this girl during my prayer and the tears started flowing. Here I was frustrated because I have three crazy boys. Three very healthy, very normal crazy boys. I just felt like the smallest person on the planet at that point. My prayers of "I can't do this" "I don't know what I am doing" started turning to prayers of "Thank you God for blessing us with three healthy crazy boys. Thank you for thinking I am capable of doing this. Please help me to be capable." The second thing he showed me was my husband. I'm not in this alone. I have a partner. God showed this same thing to me right before I had Bobby and it filled me with immediate peace and I had the same reaction last night. No matter what happens...I have a partner. God designed it that way for a reason!

I came home with a renewed spirit. This parenting business is fo reals. I feel like its both the most amazing slash scariest thing I have ever done. I think the toughest thing is the constant putting yourself last business. This is great for anyone who needs to get over themselves (read: me) but is also not so good for people who need time alone to self-reflect and find peace. That balance of maintaining your spirtual/emotional/physical health and at the same time caring for your family to the best of your ability. I won't try to tell you I know how to do this, because...hello...did I tell you about my day yesterday? but it's slowly learning how to navigate in this business of parenting.

A girlfriend and I are leading a life group this fall and we will be discussing the book Grace Based Parenting by Tim Kimmel. I am excited to read this book (I have read a little so far and love it) and even more excited to have girl time and even more excited than that to have discussions with other mamas in the trenches of parenting. It is so nice to hear other war stories because you feel a little more sane...a little more like you aren't destroying your children...a little more like kids everywhere just are sucky for a while. and that is normal! and you are normal! Anwyay - I will end my rant now, I really wanted to flush all of this out while it was fresh for documenting sake and for future reference....and perhaps encouragement for anyone else who might be in the trenches needing a little reminder they aren't alone. YOU AREN'T ALONE!