Grandpa Wally

My dear Grandpa passed away last week. I was asked to write a paragraph in memory of my Grandpa Wally. I instantly became overwhelmed by that idea since it is not in my nature to be "brief". I look at the photo above and i remember that shirt he wore. I remember before he retired always smelling like oil. Motor oil mostly. I remember his hands - being a running joke in our family because they were always so dirty. Even now when my oldest son comes home from playing at school, his hands filthy and dirt caked under it nails, it simultaneously grosses me out and makes me fondly remember my Grandpa. Funny how that is.

What I think my Grandpa's legacy was - was the way he loved life - the way he loved people. I remember he used to talk to EVERYBODY. if we were sitting waiting for a table at a restaurant - he would strike up a conversation with the person next to him. Elevator? he would talk to you. It made an impression on me because its not an easy thing to do when you get older. It is vulnerable. But he genuinely cared about people- yes, even strangers. Also - he made an impression on me that there was nothing beneath him. I remember a sermon I heard in high school in which the priest was describing a Bishop cleaning off tables before a church event and he asked the Bishop if there wasn't something else he should be doing and the Bishop told him, "There is no service too small" - it made me think of my Grandpa. I know when my parents would leave for the weekend and if Grandpa and Grandma watched us my dad would leave a To Do list for Grandpa. That is how he loved - he took care of his people. You had a cat that needed to be put out of its misery? Grandpa was there with a shovel in 10 minutes. You had a garage door that didn't work? Grandpa would come down and take care of it.

You know how you go to a play and it is amazing and the sets are incredible and the singing is amazing and at the end the actors take all the credit, but really if you were to take away all the work that the people behind the curtain did, it would have been a cheesy living room production. I think of my Grandpa like that - he was a backstage worker and was fine not receiving the credit, even if he was the reason for the amazing play.

I am very thankful to have grown up so close to my Grandma and Grandpa. I am thankful for the values he helped me to instill by seeing the very ways he practiced them (not necessarily preach). I am thankful for the stories I will continue to share with people. Stories that before seemed sad to share because it was a reminder that my Grandpa was not able to do and be the person he was before- but now it is a celebration since he is up in Heaven playing pranks and belly laughing. I can't wait to see you again Grandpa! In the meantime, I will just continue to share about your life and how you loved and try to make you proud (since I know I was your favorite :) )

Barnes Boys - Where They At?

November - Also known as "Crazy Birthday Month"- I feel like October, November and December are pretty whirlwind months as far as the year goes. Just as we come down from our sugar high on Halloween, there goes my birthday and Brysons and approximately every other child we know. I swear, we have like the entire month of November covered with someone we know having a birthday - so the whole month just turns into PARTY month. Which is just fine, really...usually i make myself very sick...and its usually this weekend that it happens - because i plan too much, say "yes" to everything - i dont typically schedule a weekend at home...so i was a little more intentional this year. maybe i am growing up? Nah - i am sure i will forget it all and do the exact opposite next year...just wait...But seriously, I will...Seriously though - i am enjoying my November very much so far and look forward to our trip to Tahoe later this month. Nothing sounds better to me than being in the woods with a cozy fire and (snow?) and NO computer! yay! I have also been enjoying co-leading a life group with some other mamas at my church - it has truly been life giving and i have thought about Grace more than I ever have in my life and it has proven powerful, who knew? uh, God i guess. 

Enough on my udpate... 

Bobby - fresh up from a nap - this kid kills me with his big ol eyes and big ol teeth! Just in the last couple of weeks he has been wearing underwear WITH NO ACCIDENTS. this is exciting you guys, because before this he would have at least 4 accidents a day and i was doing laundry basically all day. so - mama is very grateful that he learned the body cues and applied them to making it to the toilet. The only problem with this kid is that he sees absolutely no reason to get me involved in the potty process any longer. He will run into ANY park public bathroom without telling me to poop or pee and it FUH-REAKS me out. He has been punished, scolded, i even told him there were ghosts in public bathrooms and zero effect. this kid is a walking liability. But - aside from that, he is doing amazing and then in the same week he demanded to buckle himself in the car seat...and he can! so my life just got a teensy bit easier overnight...next...dressing yourself. what will i do in the morning when i dont have to get them all dressed and brush their teeth? love it the first week and then get all nostalgic circa week two as is my norm.

Bodie - he is such a snuggle bug and i eat it up! he always asks me to carry him - either in my arms or the ergo. he is about 45 pounds, so this is not an easy feat, but i cave every time because - look at him! you try to tell that curly haired face no! anyway - its nice to have at least one that likes to cuddle - i am a lucky mama. The bottom picture is of him and a soccer friend after a game. They played like 7 year olds that game- they were passing to each other - bodie would get in front of the goal and the other boy would pass to him and SCORE! they did this like champs and scored about a million goals and i dont think the other team scored at all, which is always so awkward to me and i usually handle that by walking away. 

He got his very first trophy for soccer and to say he was excited would be an understatement. he also got this book of all the teams and their pictures and he sleeps with that book and the trophy every night. Then he puts it on the shelf next to Bryson's trophies and ogles it dramatically. Its so stinking cute! Soccer is over though, so now his sights are turning to baseball...oy...

Bryson's fishing obsession is back in full swing. His birthday request was deep sea fishing, last night at farmer's market he brought his pole and fished the whole time and has asked me about a hundred times to take him to the beach. He somehow managed to get these very nice people to fix his line that was tangled and they gave him all new line...he could sell ice to an eskimo that kid. 

Soccer is over and golf season is over for the year...but basketball is up next for Bryson. He dribbles the basketball to school every day and stays for an hour after school playing. We talked about doing baseball next year and he shocked bryan and i by saying he wanted to golf instead. So i am excited he is doing basketball so he gets some variety. plus that is my favorite sport, so...although...i dont know how i will be able to watch any of the game because as i type i am picturing bobby getting under the bleachers and finding "candy" and eating it and i'm already anticipating bryan coaching and me in the stands herding cats. which, i guess, is like, our thing.  

Eight!!

My goodness Bryson is EIGHT YEARS OLD!!! Let me just tell you a little about this crazy kid. For the past 3 weeks he got up every morning at 5:45 - set his own alarm, got dressed and his clubs ready - woke his dad up to hit some balls or play a practice round before school. Then he would come home from school and practice sometimes too! All in preparation for the Monterey Challenge. He got invited and spent his birthday weekend in Monterey with his dad and grandparents (and his aunt and Don and Don's parents went too!) and got to play all kinds of golf and eat all kinds of seafood (his favorite- the kid ordered mussels(!) what? ) and play with his new bey blades and basically have an awesome time.

His birthday celebrations actually lasted almost a week starting last Wednesday at Farmer's Market with our other November baby friends - cupcakes and snacks and plenty of friends to kick soccer balls around with, or hunt for crabs on the rocks with - we live in a pretty amazing little community and what a special time it ws to be with other awesome November babies!

Then on Thursday I took my baby out to (his pick) Sushi for a birthday lunch. I was feeling a little sad that I would not be with him on his actual birthday (first time EVER) and wanted to have a little alone time with him. I gave him an Angry Birds watch and he was sooooo excited. he tells me what time it is now approximately every 10 minutes.

Then he left early Friday morning to drive up to Monterey to play a practice round before the big tournament. He played really well - placed 10th (out of 16), which earned him an invite to Pinehurst, which before Monterey Bryson told us was his "life's dream" to be invited to Pinehurst. I think a lot of people may think my husband is driving this crazy golf train, but let me just point to exhibit A - his bedroom wall. The boy is obsessed. He is so self motivated and has worked so hard - I am beyond proud...I know I complain a lot about golf, but really - what a great sport for Bryson - it teaches integrity, patience, self-composure, good sportsmanship...really just a good fit for his temperament I believe. 

The party didn't stop there - since Bryson had a party last year, this year he got to go somewhere special with a friend, so on Monday Bryan took Asher and Bryson deep sea fishing! Again - bryson's idea. He caught a big surf perch and ate it up as soon as they got home. I had a bite and it was delicious! So fresh - not fishy at all! And now...exhale...and listen to the boys fight over the bey blades...I overheard Bryan saying something anti-bey blades and I just reminded him, "This too shall pass"...hopefully sooner rather than later! 

Happy Eighth Birthday Bryson! I have big hopes for you this year! And I can't wait to see what new thing you dive head first into next! Your spirit is contagious and your ambition is inspiring - we love you to pieces!
Love, Mom and Dad

Barnes Boys - Where They At?

October - Fall and our yearly tradition of apple picking happened this month...although we got there late in the season (usually we go mid-september) and there were no apples to be picked...it was still so fun - they boys picked the last remaining raspberries and we made it through a corn maze (bryson led us astray too many times, so we put bodie in charge and he led us out and was sooooo proud of himself - really cute stuff) and we picked pumpkins from the vine and of course brought back some yummy apple cider and apples. Bryan and I talked about how fun it is to be creating our own family traditions and how every year it is going to be more fun than work ;) this year was especially fun with their ages. I just love 3 years old. I could leave the tantrums, but this is just so fun!

Bodie - our little soccer star! it is so fun to watch him play a sport finally! he is also in a children's choir at church and every day he asks me 1. do i have school today mom? and then 2. do i have soccer today mom? and then 3. do i have my singing class mom? this boy is very much like his dad and likes to know "the plan" and what is expected of him. He gets very sad if the answer to all three questions isnt "today" - we listen to his choir music in the car and he practices his little hand motions and it is really the cutest thing. We are trying to work on singing louder...but that may take a while -he whisper sings right now. I think it is so good for Bodie to be involved in things a part from his brothers - he gets such a sense of pride and confidence - he just beams! (p.s. being a fellow middle child, i get it!!!)

Bobby - oh man - this kid is so full of charm and spit and vinegar and all that. He melts your heart one minute and makes you want to just lock him up in a kennel (i would never) the next minute. He is still amazingly destructive and energetic - the other day he rode his scooter 5 miles with Bryan. and then once they got where they were going he ran around for another hour or so. This kid could power a city. He is talking up a storm too - he cracks us up. Having two older brothers he just thinks whatever they like is cool - which right now happens to be these things called Bey Blades (they are like plastic tops you launch with a launcher) so you hear him and Bodie "battle" their bey blades (which they dont have any - they just find random things and call them bey blades) and you can hear bobby yell "let it rrrrrriiiiippppp" all day. Bodie and Bobby spend a lot of time together these days while bryson is at school and they are learning to play better together...and by that i mean they only fight like 50 times a day now. 

Bryson - A few weeks back Bryan took Bryson to see this movie/documentary called The Short Game and ever since then Bryson has been OB-sessed with golf. He is doing really well too and we recently found out he was invited to play in the Monterey Championships. It is a 2 day tournament in Monterey and he will have some stiff competition and he is stoked! This picture is of Bryson on picture day at school and let me have you know i had zero to do with both the outfit and the paper towel handkerchief in his pocket. This kid has his own style and no one can tell him what is cool. i love it! I feel like bryson is never really ho-hum about anything - he goes from one obsession to the next and right now it is his praying mantis and also his lizard pets. He wants a bearded dragon something awful, but right now is taking very good (daily) care of his bug and reptile.

Things are settling into a routine and it feels nice to have a rhythm again. We are working on ever-changing Halloween costumes and tackling homework and right now I am reading them the Chronicles of Narnia before bed. We are on book #2 and it is so fun. I love that Bryson is enjoying them as much as I did!  

A Shift, A Shower, A Seedling

Photo from Missie's shower this weekend, Me, Missie and my sister - photo stolen from FB - taken by Jennifer Johnson

I had a really wonderful weekend. I came to sit down to work today and read some blogs and had my coffee, which i like to do before i start my day - puts me in a creative/working mode i find...anyway - there were quite a few blogs that had sweeping realizations and lots of reflective posts, which was odd because i have had some thoughts swirling in my head from this weekend that i felt compelled to share here. I have been reflecting on my summer and what was different about this summer- because when i look back at the summer as a whole - it felt really balanced. this is not normal for me - usually i never say no to anything - i overpack my schedule and overcommit my time, but this summer i was super mindful of only traveling a couple weekends per month. of planning on "catch up" days around the house. i did not have a lot of community this summer- not nearly enough play dates and catch up time with girlfriends that i had every intention on doing. But we did have some great camping vacations with friends and a wonderful long weekend with bryan's family, so i suppose there was that, but of course the extrovert in me would always be down for more! I have found my thoughts shifting more and more toward simplicity. There was a big shift last year when we realized that all the material "things" and "stuff" in our house was causing fights, rather than encouraging play - so we downsized on stuff....a lot. Got rid of about 75% of their toys. The things we kept were their scooters, bikes, etc, a few board games and puzzles, and their hot wheels and monster trucks. These are the things that most often get played with, so everything else went to the goodwill. this had an amazing effect on our kids...and seeing that and witnessing how much better they play when there isn't "stuff" made me think about my own relationship with "stuff". i narrowed down too. I took a step back and realized that I have a problem with "stuff". I am not healed of that problem - i have a long ways to go, but there has been a small seedling planted and is now growing - of being mindful with things and cautious and deliberate.

I think my seedling of "simplicity" that started a while ago is really starting to flourish, when i think about my days and weeks and months. I have realized that although i am not a planner by nature, planning has really helped create balance in our home. Being thoughtful and intentional with planning ahead - meals, car pools, etc. has been my saving grace.

I have also noticed a shift in my attitude. The other day I was making these bracelets with bryson and he started getting really frustrated. i told him, "you know bryson, i got you these things because i thought you would have fun making them. i thought you enjoyed a challenge. things aren't always easy when we first start, but part of the fun is learning how to do it and how to do it better each time. It's why i like to sew and knit." and then i realized i was talking to myself because i haven't had that joy each time. I then started thinking about my own attitude and perspective on other "chores" like cleaning and making dinner. I started to desire to not just do it, but to do it and love it and enjoy it. can i tell you what an amazing "aha" moment this was. I took my own advice i was giving to my son and what do you know? i probably needed it more than he did! It has been really powerful to not just get through cleaning the kitchen, but changing my attitude about the whole thing has become a really empowering idea (having uplifting music helps this attitude!).

anyway...i am not always grinning ear to ear picking up the millionth hot wheel on the ground, or trying to pick granola out of a shag rug...or cleaning pee from the umpteenth sheet this week...so please don't let me give you the wrong impression - i am still a small seedling in this area, but my desire is to nourish and grow that little seedling into a beautiful tree - bearing fruit and all...if i can take the metaphor even further, please.

this weekend my sister and i had the pleasure of throwing a bridal shower for our cousin Melissa. It was such a joy to do and i truly loved making each little thing - partly because i enjoy that, but also I knew Melissa would appreciate it since she enjoys the same sort of thing. It was a small family shower and it was such a joy to just sit and chat with all the amazing women in our family. I wasn't the one getting married, but left it feeling so blessed to be from such good stock. to have such support within our family. to feel like no matter what kind of time has passed you can pick up wherever you left off. it was beautiful and wonderful and none of the decorations or food or anything else mattered nearly as much as that.  i am still basking in that love from that day and hope the bride to be feels the same!

A Visit with Grandpa

My sister and I headed down to Escondido to visit our Grandpa Wally - He ended up in the hospital with pneumonia and then was released to a skilled nursing facility - we thought we would drive down and cheer him up with his great-grandkids. He has since been released back to his home, however he moved into an Alzheimer facility at his complex. 

It was great to be able to spend time with him - he seemed genuinely entertained by the boys...he is one of 4 boys himself, so he gets it...we also took my Grandma out to lunch and it was such a pleasure to get some time with her as well. I snapped a few pictures and wanted to make sure we captured the visit :)

Daddy Day - A Typical Barnes Experience

First up was golf at the park. Bryan set up hula hoops and gave each of the boys buckets of balls. They could win prizes by getting it in whichever hoop was appropriate for their age.

Here you can vaguely make out the sticks and hoops in the background...

Bobby is slowly learning his froggy foot :)

Next up is baseball - each kid got a turn - whoever wasn't hitting was fielding the balls or golfing

Then he took them to one of their favorite spots- the lighthouse park for some skateboarding/scooter-ing. Bobby is already trying to ollie....

Picnic at the park - (He packed the lunches FYI)

Their favorite park and this is why - the big hill that circles around the lighthouse...i close my eyes until they are all the way down...bryan does not...thankfully...

Bryan and I were talking the other night...often times we find ourselves discussing parenting...it is now our new subject that we find ourselves going back to - partly because we are constantly having to check ourselves and partly because it is our biggest stressor right now. Anyway - I was telling him the other night that when our kids are all up and grown and we are good and retired and they have kids of their own, we will have to interview them and write a book based on this experience of co-parenting the boys. It has been a very interesting experiment so far...to understate it...immensely.

Well, one totally ordinary day where I was supposed to be in the office and Bryan was on kid duty - i made a very spontaneous decision to play hookey at work. And I announced my decision after the kids were already in the car - I didn't know what the plan was, but saw a bunch of stuff in the car - so I documented the day. 

Bryan comes from a very athletic family. His mom is a pretty awesome (professional and nationally ranked) tennis player - his dad has either played it or coached it...just about every sport....and his sisters are also amazing athletes. well...that is just fine...except that i am not...i grew up dancing - our dinner conversations with my family was about our day at school and as we got older it was about politics or current events, etc - when i first sat down for a dinner with Bryan's family they were discussing whether to 2 step or 3 step hurdles. i remember this distinctly because a) i had absolutely nothing to contribute to said conversation and b) was trying to recall if i had ever even seen a hurdle in person. clearly this family had different dynamics than mine. But this has also been pretty awesome- i have this appreciation for athletics i never had before - bryan introduced me to running, which has become a love in my life. and now our children get the barnes experience. 

whenever my in-laws come visit we typically pack every bike, skateboard, roller blades, etc into the car and go somewhere...so this was a typical day for bryan, but I had to document it because a) it wasn't a special day - its what bryan does with them ALL the time and b) it is nothing like a day I spend with them. I think it is so special that three boys get to have a father around as much as they do. They do things with Bryan that I would never do - and his style is very different from mine...but then again - if we did not have the set up we did, bryson would most likely not be doing golf tournaments like he is...Bodie would not have ridden a bike without training wheels at 2 years old and Bobby certainly would not be doing ollies on his skateboard. Also - he had an amazing example of discipline in his own father. His father happens to be in charge of discipline at a High School and not only is he respected, he is also well loved. I love that Bryan is choosing to follow his example. He is tough on them, but also full of love - he is quick to apologize to them (something I am trying hard to learn- that is tough for me) and quick to forgive them. 

I have been wanting/meaning to document Bryan's golf prize box and prize wheel for a while - maybe a good motivation as a part 2 to this post, but Bryan makes it fun for them (and their friends who want prizes too) - they have the sense of practice and reward.

As you can see - I am pretty much in love with this man - pretty proud of the dad he is. it was so fun to spend a day into his way of parenting and to document part of it. 

Meema and Papa

This was taken the day we came back from TMAFI...love this picture - i think you can tell how much they love their grandkids - how much the kids love them...Bob stayed with the boys by himself for 2 days before Kathy came...pretty amazing grandpa! We are very blessed to have them in and a part of our lives, even though there is 360 miles between us. Love you meema and papa!

4th of July!

This was the extent of our decorating this year...

bobby super pumped about the bike parade

The line up

i am aware it is the 9th of july...and really...i am amazed that i am telling about the 4th of july in july at all. its my day in the office today and what i should be doing is budgets and reconciling and all kinds of boring accounting stuff. but we have had such an amazing week i feel like i should be on vacation. which is not allowed for people who own a pool cleaning company. summer vacations are forbidden...but in my head i am on vacation...

so on the 4th we took part in the annual kids bike parade with our friends the Douglas' - so fun! and we are usually late, but this year we were early so we got to decorate our bikes a little better and register the boys - we usually just jump right in since we are late. after a nice bike ride we rode home and put bobby down for a nap and bryan bar-b-qued some pork bootie...and i got to read a book and bodie looked for bugs. we had the douglas' over...the neighbors over...my mom and sister and brother in law and don and julia and it was a low-key amazing time. the kids all played extremely well. we did the mentos/diet coke geysers in the street, which was hilarious and totally more for the grown-up (ish boys) and lit a little backyard firework display that exceeded any and all expectations. the food was amazing - as was the 3 desserts...i wish it could be 4th of July every day...except for pool parties...if no one had pool parties on the 4th of july that would be perfect!

My cute husband

Notice the flag in bodie's helmet

Baby Riley's Baby Shower

Sorry for the picture heavy post, but i couldn't pick which ones to leave off! Thank you cousin JJ for snapping pics for me, or else there would be no way to document the lovely day that it was! Liz and I threw a shower for my beautiful sister Sara-Britt in my backyard this past weekend. The weekend before my Aunt Stephanie and cousin Melissa threw Sara-Britt the sweetest most amazing shower ever for our family...and when we got there Liz and I realized they had the same idea in their mind for a theme (yellow and gray) so we quickly decided to re-think the theme since we didn't want to even try to compete with the professionals that they are...it was seriously amazing!

So we just used things i already had and kept it simple and it was a lovely day and just what Sara wanted - no agenda, no fuss, no games, just lovely women spending time together and blessing this (highly anticipated) baby Riley. There was a prayer of blessing on this baby and chatting time and then she opened gifts. Liz and I had arranged a group gift to get her the stroller she had wanted...little did i know she thought no one would buy her that stroller since it was a little pricey, so she registered for a different one in the mean time. to make a long story short...we were able to somehow surprise her with the stroller. She has just about all she needs and more and is ready to stop working (she was ready for that a while ago) and prepare to meet this baby!

Such a special time to celebrate. She is going to be the most amazing of moms and I can't wait to see her become a mom to her baby girl - she is going to fall so deep in love! It makes my heart happy to know she has an amazing support system within this group of women to help walk with her on her journey. 

Dear Riley - Your Auntie Carlee is so excited to meet you! I have been praying for you since the day I found out your mother was expecting you. I can't wait to take you to tea parties (if you like that sort of thing) and ballets (again, if you are into it) and make you wear dresses I made (when you are a baby you can't stop me...but when you get bigger I will let you decide). Whatever type of person you are, I have full confidence you can't help but be pretty awesome, since you are going to have pretty awesome parents who love the Lord, love life and know how to celebrate all that life blesses us with and how to deal with the stuff that life hands us that isn't so pleasant. Just remember you can always come over to Auntie Carlee's house if your mom doesn't want to play princess with you or if you want to learn how to catch bugs from your cousins or if you want to just bake some cookies with me. I make really good cookies just like your mom...

Love you Baby Riley!!!
Auntie Carlee

Easter in San Jose

Their Auntie Kristie got them each little Easter baskets - Bodie's had a monster truck...score!

Family Photo...believe it or not...this was the best one of 10

Kassai and Bodie - 3 weeks apart and the cutest of friends!

Kayo - he is a couple weeks younger than Bobby and the sweetest boy!

Can you tell they are brother and sister?

Grandma Pearl-  Can you believe she is 82? She looks so young!

THE FOOD!

The man behind the food!

on the hunt...

Money? What is this stuff?

Kassai and her very pretty meema!

We went up north for Easter this year. It was probably one of the nicest drives up we have had and one of the nicest Easters as well. It is already getting a lot easier to travel with all 3 and makes me realize that pretty soon they might even be fit to travel with...like on a vacation...like maybe even a plane! that concept is still pretty foreign though...most every trip we do is to see family or friends...but i know it will come soon enough. My mantra, "This too shall pass" has always given me comfort and hope, but lately has made me a little sad - sad that we are done growing our family and onto another stage...sad that we are getting rid of all things baby in this house...sad that my "baby" is now starting to talk (and tell me "no")...sad that Bodie seems to have aged overnight.

I actually left on Easter Sunday on a plane back home, while Bryan and his parents took the boys up to Tahoe. Bryan had told me that he slept with the two bigger boys a couple nights because he realized he wont be able to for very much longer...oh yeah...then it would just get creepy...but right now its sweet. so sweet.

Anyways...Easter...He is Risen! We had a wonderful day celebrating the Resurrection Sunday with Church and dressing up and egg hunts and family and uh-mazing food! bryan's grandma Pearl celebrated her 82nd birthday and it was nice for the kids to get to be able to meet their Great-Grandma. Bryson made out like a bandit on the egg hunt and found like $11 or something ridiculous...i feel like i was lucky to get pennies...my brother always found the eggs with the cash (of course). Bodie ate probably more candy on Sunday than he had all year combined (which happens if you dont watch Bodie...he steals candy and sneakily eats it. Bryson still asks me every time if it is okay...bodie figured out its better to ask forgiveness than permission!) Bobby was pretty non-plussed with the whole day, but excited about having his own eggs.

We had some beautiful weather and it was so fun to just sit back and watch all the cousins and family. we are blessed to have some pretty awesome relatives on both our sides. I was a little worried the whole day about leaving...and the actual goodbye was pretty traumatic, but my little mama spring break was amazing! and needed...so needed. I will post more on that!