Barnes Boys - Where They At?

We have been having quite the summer so far! I have been really thankful for my (completely out of character) summer planning. It has really helped me look forward to my time with the boys and also make things less stressful in the morning by planning for it the day before. I think its easy for me to feel like I am kicked out of my own house sometimes...because I kinda am...but lately I have been really grateful that I have this time with them to explore. It was hitting me the other day that some day they might not want to hang out with me all day...then i told myself...that is ridiculous...then i said...oh okay maybe...then i got really sad. So I am thankful for this time - truly. these three boys are so much fun - never a dull (or clean or quiet) moment! I am also thankful I am having Bryson do his summer journal because it has been forcing me to be more intentional documenting and taking pictures. I have not been so good taking pictures with the good camera, so my little phone camera and instagram have been my medium of choice! Enough of me...on to the update!

Bobby Barnes! I found him sitting in this chair in the corner looking sooooo guilty. It was a day I was in the office and when I found him he said "shhh don't tell daddy" - such a little sneak. he cracks me up though...i would always get so mad that my little sister got away with everything...now i get it! If I am working in the office and come out for whatever reason and the boys are there, every single time, bobby will say "yay! you not wooking today!" Every time. so cute. He is doing exactly what bodie and bryson both did around 3 - be obsessed every day on who is watching them...he asks me about a million times. He turns 3 in about 6 weeks...i would love to have this little man potty trained by then, but he might have a different plan. He has used the potty a few different times, but no real desire to make it a habit. 

I think the thing I have noticed more about Bobby lately is that I don't think I have met a kid at 3 who is so confident and calm in their skin. He just is so content usually (counting out over-tired states and states of hunger) and independent and self-entertaining. It's like he knows he can do everything - he knows no other way - like doing an ollie on a skateboard for example...playing golf...riding a 2 wheeler (which he hasnt dont yet, but tries on bodie's bike all the time) My other boys are to an extent, but not at Bobby level. It is pretty extraordinary. His spirit is contagiously joyous.

Bryson! Green Lightening! Golf season started up. Actually golf season is year round (11 months), but he plays soccer in the fall and baseball in the spring and since those things are already 2-3x a week, it can get over-kill. He has played 3 tournaments so far - 2nd place, 5th place and 6th place. He has shown a lot of growth and his attitude is getting so much better! He is not super competitive, of which I am grateful, but I can tell he wants to win. I could tell this last tournament he was kinda bummed not to get a medal. These kids he plays against are just crazy good. It blows me away that 7 year olds are playing like this. It isn't something I can even describe with words since I don't know golf that well...but they are making Eagle shots...and the 1st place winners are usually under par. 

Bryson is also way into fishing right now. He won our TMAFI title this year and now it is ALL he wants to do. for instance, bryan is at the beach right now with the boys and bryson had to take along a rod. we went camping this weekend and it was all he wanted to do. I am not complaining by the way - I would be ever so happy if all my boys take to fishing - Sierras here we come! I don't know what it is about this age - but it seems like he is such a different kid than last summer. He is starting to make his own sense of things and process things a little more maturely. I am excited to see how he continues to grow. He is trying hard right now and I can tell...and try to tell him every day that I notice and I appreciate it.  

Bodie O! Isn't this the saddest picture? 4 years old can be rough sometimes. 

Dear Bodie, You are getting older to understand things, but lack the patience when adults tell you (all the time) to WAIT. when you are hungry that means you need to eat RIGHT NOW. when you have to pee (what is up with your small bladder by the way?) you have to do it RIGHT NOW. when you want a glass of water, better make it RIGHT NOW. the hardest part of your life is waiting. mom is always busy...its rough. i get it. This waiting business will serve you bodie...its good not to expect everything RIGHT NOW. we are not ignoring you....we are teaching valuable life lessons here...for free! you are welcome. Love, mom

Bodie has also been actively trying to be a better big brother to Bobby. I praise him whenever I can and if he shares with Bobby or gets something for him, I make sure to tell Bobby "Bodie shared that piece of bread with you because he loves you". I believe it helps associate actions with loving...maybe? it makes them feel good when I say it anyway...I am trying to be more intentional on the praising...on the details. I am not a "praiser" by nature...i kind of expect people to do the right thing the right way, so I am not wired like that - but I want to be different in that. I recently read this blog post and it was a little convicting. I want my kids to remember their mom praising them...not criticizing all the time. I feel like I am constantly correcting...constantly saying no...so it feels good to my soul to encourage when i can. so there is an update for me too, i guess! 

Barnes Boys - Where They At!

What About Me?

Let Me See Your Guns!

ohmigosh...i love this first picture...so how it is right now. Bryson and Bodie -sitting in the back-est seat of the car, singing their made-up songs...bobby in the row ahead trying to sing too and them both yelling at him to be quiet...or bryson and bodie on their bike/scooter and bobby several feet behind yelling "Way Up!"...bryson and bodie playing catch and bobby running in the middle and them yelling at him to go away. Its tough being the youngest. 

Bryan and I always wanted three since we both come from families with three kids and its the chaos we know, but i kinda think that if we had a fourth there wouldn't be as many fights, since there would be even numbers? is that ridiculous? there is just so much ganging up on over here. luckily the fights are loud and quick...they dont fester over anything. a quick "i'm sorry" usually stops the tears...for that i am grateful. we are working on the whole slow to anger bit...myself included (big time)

Bodie. Man Bodie - This last week you were such a stinker! Bryson wasn't around and you took the opportunity to become master tormentor of Bobby. Sneaky things like going up to him and whispering "You're not my friend" for no apparent reason. Splashing him when you thought i wasn't looking (and looking around before you did it because you knew it was wrong). Taking anything he might have in his hands because you can. Telling him to do naughty things for a quarter. I think you spent most of your time in time out or crying about being in time out when you weren't terrorizing Bobby. We had lots of talks about what a special role a big brother is - and how you need to protect your little brother. You are the only one who is both a little brother and a big brother...cool stuff! 

Even so...every day I see you learning. You are the quickest to say "okay mom" and the first one to want to help. You have a big giant heart and your smile melts me! 

Bobby Barnes - You are such a hoot! You manage to get so dirty every day. It is natural to always carry an extra change of clothes with me whenever I leave the house for you and 9 out of 10 times you come home in that extra outfit. You love mud puddles and any type of fountain. I love your little zest for adventure and your natural curiosity! you are a pretty rad kid. 

Like the first picture though- you are always trying so hard...to keep up...to play with your brothers...to do things you really shouldn't be able to do yet...to run faster....climb higher...and i know that is so natural for the youngest, but please stop! you are my baby...do you know what that means? that means you need to stay a little baby-ish a little while longer. i know this is an impossible request...but a mama can hope!

Bryson - we had a rough beginning of the month, but you have been trying so so hard to change your attitude and I see that! I am so proud of you for making such an effort to control your emotions. This last week I took you out on a date and we had so much fun. I was trying to teach you how to be a gentleman (we have had lots of talks lately about how a gentleman acts) and told you about what to do on a date. We talked about asking people questions to get to know each other and I asked you to think of some questions to ask me. You asked "How did you and daddy meet?" and "When did you and daddy first date?" and "How did LA Pool Guys get started?" You blew me away by your thoughtful questions...i thought you would ask my favorite food or something...I think you are going to be quite a fun date for some lucky lady one day! 

Easter Brunch-E-Que

We celebrated this Easter Holiday with our college buddies in Santa Barbara for the annual Brunch-E-Que. Although this has been going on for (i believe) 8 years..this is only our third time joining in the fun! (Read about 2011 here and here 2010 here - oh my goodness how big our boys are now!).

We started the day with Easter service at All Saints Episcopal Church. It was a beautiful service and Bryson stayed in big church with us and asked me all sorts of questions. I was happy he could experience a liturgical service and hope that we can continue to introduce him to different ways to worship. After church we headed back to a friend's house for brunch and egg hunting and then eventually dinner. The day was a bit rainy and curbed our park plans, but it was very low-key day - and i feel like i was able to catch up with almost everyone...which is always an amazing goal since we also have 10 little ones running around through it all!

Whenever I am doing our statements and invoicing for our business I turn on This American Life (this will be related, promise) because the whole process lacks brain power...This last one I listened to was on Tribes (listen to it here) and I told Bryan - this is our tribe. It is just nice to have a group of people that you truly feel like you belong with. And how sweet it has been to be in this child-rearing phase with them - and watch our littles hunting eggs together. so fun!

Barnes Boys - Where They At

Bobby - Bobby has been learning new words at such an amazing rate. Every day he seems to have a new expression and some new word he learned. Right now he says "dang" a lot and its pretty stinkin cute. We try to get as much of him on video that we can, but its hard with this butterfly. He likes to entertain us with "zombie baby" and his amazing dance moves. Him and Bodie are learning how to navigate their play time with each other...they are not the best of playmates right now. Bodie has trouble understanding not to take every single thing from Bobby...luckily Bobby is pretty good at holding his own "I no like that, Bodie" is a frequent phrase one hears most mornings. 

Bryson started baseball up again. His best friend Asher is on the team - which makes this year so exciting for him. At the last game he hit two home runs! He is playing so well- and also having a lot of fun...because i wouldn't do it if he wasn't...The cutest is that Bryson helps dress Bodie in his baseball stuff from last year every game. Bodie has to wear his Pirates uniform every game. Looks like this baseball thing isn't leaving us...we will be spending a lot of time at these fields! 3 kids doing games - i reckon we will be at the fields every day! oy! Also - Bryson has some new obsessions over the last couple of months - Basketball at school has now replaced tetherball. He plays for about 2 hours every day, plus gets home from school and plays. He also is obsessed with his skateboard and going to the skate park. Bryan is less than thrilled about this - i am waiting until my broken bone heals, before I frequent there again - only one major injury at a time is my motto!

Bodie O - Bodie has been doing basically anything Bryson does. Bryson loves basketball, so naturally Bodie too. The best thing I have seen is that Bodie is now able to play catch with Bryson - they have been playing together so well (for the most part) which makes it easier to deal with the not-so-brotherly-love between Bodie and Bobby right now. Bodie has been sad about me being down. He likes our time together and I can't be there as much and he being the closest thing to a "mama's boy" I have - I know it has been difficult.

These boys are so much fun. So much work, but so much fun! I am constantly feeling blessed to have them - for all they are - God knew what He was doing giving me boys, I think. :)

Broken and Healing and Learning - An Update

I just saw my last post was from January. Oh my. So much has happened since then! but such is life. I feel like a bit of an update is in order!

February brought so much fun for me. I was able to celebrate all kinds of birthdays - for Ruth, for Rashelle and for Julia. And lucky for me- each of those celebrations included girls only! 2 of them were overnight ordeals and 2 included museums and dinners and amazing kid-free adult girly conversation. I walked away from each event so blessed to have such amazing women a part of my life. I feel like with all the men and boys I have to deal with on a daily basis, there is always an exhale when I get to spend time with good girlfriends. There is such an ease of understanding and relating that just is missing with men :)

February also brought a special visit from Bryan's parents, the fun of Valentines - a very special date for Bryan and I at the sky room- A family Valentines celebration - a Clippers game....




The very end of February, however, I broke my ankle - I was trying to slide into the skate park to retrieve a scooter, and my right foot buckled and I heard a "pop" - a truly horrifying sound...i knew it meant nothing good. Luckily, my phone was in my back pocket - I was able to call Bryan and prop myself up on a skateboard and wheel myself over to the stairs and use the rail to hop out of the park and wait for my husband to come rescue me...It was awful and one of the more painful experiences I have had. Tomorrow will mark 6 weeks from the initial accident and I have come so far, but I still feel like I have so much farther to go. Turns out, I am not the best patient (no surprise there) and also turns out, my husband is amazing. I was blown away by the support of friends and family. My mom flew out the day of my surgery (A titanium plate and 6 screws to hold together a displaced fibula fracture) and helped fill in my spot and took care of us all so well. It has been a definite shift in the norm - it means me in the office more- our kids at the house more (which is not so conducive to business getting done) and me having to let go of all kinds of things...like messes...like laundry...like driving.

I am not always the person to try to make sense of everything - I am an optimist - I will admit - but sometimes crappy things just happen and there are lessons to be learned, sure, but it gets disheartening when other people try to make sense of it all for you - "maybe God was telling you that you needed to rest" - that kind of thing. it bugs me. God could have used a different way to tell me that...like something that actually allowed me to rest...i haven't slept through the night in a month - i have been wearing my boot to bed - and there is no comfortable way to sleep in that thing! but that aside, I have been trying to be open to this lesson. An over-riding aspect that have helped keep my spirits up (it has been my biggest challenge just to fight depression on a daily basis) is that I am surrounded by amazing community. My friends have been picking my kids up and dropping them off various places...my MOPs mamas have been bringing our family meals - which have been a true blessing! My mom sacrificed her time to be Carlee 2.0 for a week. My husband has been doing everything he normally does, plus all my duties without a single complaint (other than chastising me for trying to do too much). I don't know why/how I deserve such amazing love, but it speaks to God's love in such a tangible way - it makes me pretty teary and sappy just thinking about it.

One good thing to already come of it is my kids are doing more because I am not able to do it. There is more cleaning of their room (when I would just do it because it took me 5 minutes and them an hour of constant correcting and arguing and whining and this isn't my mess - and just too much work in general to add another battle to my day) thanks to Bryan - and also cleaning in general. Picking up and putting away. There has been less dependence on me- which is a good thing. I am starting to see that these boys are going to be useful in the future...and capable...which is such a weird thought when I feel like for the past 7 years I have been in the mode of constant caring for other people...all of the sudden there is this shift. Its simultaneously thrilling and bittersweet.

I want to thank everyone for their prayers and concerns and thoughts and meals and help with the kids and want you all to know how very special it all means to me. I am constantly amazed at the generosity of people.

(So...here we are caught up to April. I will post a Barnes Boys Update too...although I have not been venturing out much - they certainly have:) )

A Visit with Grandpa

My sister and I headed down to Escondido to visit our Grandpa Wally - He ended up in the hospital with pneumonia and then was released to a skilled nursing facility - we thought we would drive down and cheer him up with his great-grandkids. He has since been released back to his home, however he moved into an Alzheimer facility at his complex. 

It was great to be able to spend time with him - he seemed genuinely entertained by the boys...he is one of 4 boys himself, so he gets it...we also took my Grandma out to lunch and it was such a pleasure to get some time with her as well. I snapped a few pictures and wanted to make sure we captured the visit :)

Daddy Day - A Typical Barnes Experience

First up was golf at the park. Bryan set up hula hoops and gave each of the boys buckets of balls. They could win prizes by getting it in whichever hoop was appropriate for their age.

Here you can vaguely make out the sticks and hoops in the background...

Bobby is slowly learning his froggy foot :)

Next up is baseball - each kid got a turn - whoever wasn't hitting was fielding the balls or golfing

Then he took them to one of their favorite spots- the lighthouse park for some skateboarding/scooter-ing. Bobby is already trying to ollie....

Picnic at the park - (He packed the lunches FYI)

Their favorite park and this is why - the big hill that circles around the lighthouse...i close my eyes until they are all the way down...bryan does not...thankfully...

Bryan and I were talking the other night...often times we find ourselves discussing parenting...it is now our new subject that we find ourselves going back to - partly because we are constantly having to check ourselves and partly because it is our biggest stressor right now. Anyway - I was telling him the other night that when our kids are all up and grown and we are good and retired and they have kids of their own, we will have to interview them and write a book based on this experience of co-parenting the boys. It has been a very interesting experiment so far...to understate it...immensely.

Well, one totally ordinary day where I was supposed to be in the office and Bryan was on kid duty - i made a very spontaneous decision to play hookey at work. And I announced my decision after the kids were already in the car - I didn't know what the plan was, but saw a bunch of stuff in the car - so I documented the day. 

Bryan comes from a very athletic family. His mom is a pretty awesome (professional and nationally ranked) tennis player - his dad has either played it or coached it...just about every sport....and his sisters are also amazing athletes. well...that is just fine...except that i am not...i grew up dancing - our dinner conversations with my family was about our day at school and as we got older it was about politics or current events, etc - when i first sat down for a dinner with Bryan's family they were discussing whether to 2 step or 3 step hurdles. i remember this distinctly because a) i had absolutely nothing to contribute to said conversation and b) was trying to recall if i had ever even seen a hurdle in person. clearly this family had different dynamics than mine. But this has also been pretty awesome- i have this appreciation for athletics i never had before - bryan introduced me to running, which has become a love in my life. and now our children get the barnes experience. 

whenever my in-laws come visit we typically pack every bike, skateboard, roller blades, etc into the car and go somewhere...so this was a typical day for bryan, but I had to document it because a) it wasn't a special day - its what bryan does with them ALL the time and b) it is nothing like a day I spend with them. I think it is so special that three boys get to have a father around as much as they do. They do things with Bryan that I would never do - and his style is very different from mine...but then again - if we did not have the set up we did, bryson would most likely not be doing golf tournaments like he is...Bodie would not have ridden a bike without training wheels at 2 years old and Bobby certainly would not be doing ollies on his skateboard. Also - he had an amazing example of discipline in his own father. His father happens to be in charge of discipline at a High School and not only is he respected, he is also well loved. I love that Bryan is choosing to follow his example. He is tough on them, but also full of love - he is quick to apologize to them (something I am trying hard to learn- that is tough for me) and quick to forgive them. 

I have been wanting/meaning to document Bryan's golf prize box and prize wheel for a while - maybe a good motivation as a part 2 to this post, but Bryan makes it fun for them (and their friends who want prizes too) - they have the sense of practice and reward.

As you can see - I am pretty much in love with this man - pretty proud of the dad he is. it was so fun to spend a day into his way of parenting and to document part of it.