Barnes boys...where they at?

We are approaching the end of Summer. This has been seriously one of the best summers ever and I am so thankful that Bryson has documented all his experiences. Let's be honest though...he did NOT always want to do it..like never...he was cool with it the first few times and then it was like homework. Speaking of which, I am sooooo not looking forward to the homework battle. I'm trying to figure out ways to not make it a battle...basically I am always trying to figure out ways not to battle Bryson, but I will save that for his update...but back to reflecting on Summer. I feel like our business is in a much better place - I feel like our kids are a little older and (a teensy) bit easier to be out and about on your own with and dare I say it...even enjoyable...I am really going to miss our lazy mornings and sleeping past 7 and no homework battles and no schedules except the ones I made and being all together and eating lunch together almost every day. So long summer of 2013 - you were good to us! 

Bobby!! 

The Awesome - Bobby has been talking sooo much this summer and just about everything that comes out of his mouth is adorable (except when he tourretically shouts butt and poo poo and pee-nee because he thinks it's funny) He is such a trooper - you can take him anywhere and it is just all awesome to him. He is on the brink of turning 3 and at the age where nap times can be skipped so bed time is easier, and this summer we were about whatever the day held and not so much his napping schedule and he was a trooper. Yesterday as I was changing his diaper he looked at me and said, "Mom - you are superman" - in the sweetest way. I  can't really describe how awesome this was - but I could tell it was his way of telling me he loves me. it was super sweet.

The Not-So-Awesome - Bobby is such a little sneak! and a destructive sneak. I came out to the living room this morning to find piles of granola in our shag rug...then in his room and look - there is another pile of granola all over the floor...its like he went around the house throwing granola everywhere. I have never owned a monkey, but I suspect having a pet monkey would be very similar to living with Bobby - let's throw this over here because why not? His level of destruction is like unbelievable. I have put off even thinking about buying any piece of furniture or anything nice for our house until Bobby is like 14 and maybe capable of being able to not destroy something.

                           

Bryson!!
The Awesome - Bryson placed #6 in his age division in his region for golf. The scores were calculated over the course of the tournaments he played this summer. The kids who play these tournaments are super serious - practicing every day...seriously like little PGA players - so the fact that Bryson, who plays other sports and practices not too often (1-2x week) is pretty incredible. He is a natural and we hope he continues to love the sport and not get caught up taking it too seriously. He lost his other front tooth and now sports a new smile and the cutest lisp and instead of calling him "straw hole" Bryan calls him "spoon hole" and we all laugh. 

The Not-So-Awesome - Bryson is struggling big time right now controlling his emotions. He cries almost every day about something. I am seriously losing all compassion when he cries - its a problem. We have talked with him every day about self-control about self-discipline and about his selfishness. I oscillate between freaking out that we are doing something horribly wrong and assuring myself this is just his battle and every child has a battle and this is his. and then i freak out all over again. He is not excited about school starting at all. He told me he wants to be homeschooled (because his best friend Asher is homeschooled and told him he only has school for 3 hours a day)  I told Bryson if he didn't argue/whine/cry about homework for 2 months I would consider it...not holding my breath though...

Bodie O!!!
The Awesome - Bodie is my little cuddle bug. Although he usually picks times right after I punish Bryson for something to come cuddle me (stinker) He is always trying to show affection. He has such a great heart. I love having at least one kid that lets me love on them and can hang out and not squirm everywhere - hugging bryson and bobby is akin to hugging an eel...true story. 

The No-So-Awesome - Bodie is lying. Like lying lying. Like all day long lying. I remember my mom telling me that this is a totally normal thing for 4/5 but I can't remember Bryson doing it to this extent...but maybe that is also selective amnesia...but the lying and the not listening are really wearing on me. It is super hard for me to stay mad at this kid - but these days he is successfully doing that to me. We will get through this. This too shall pass...repeat that phrase 100x and you have the mantra playing in my head on a daily basis.

The day I lost my stuff...

Yesterday I just lost it. I did. Let me just recount part of my day which included trying to get the boys to pick up after themselves before we left for the day...simultaneously trying to make sure they are all quiet while picking up (read: impossible) because we have someone who works for our business in our house and requires a peaceful work environment...trying to pack lunches and clean the house while they are running through the house screaming. Trying to get them outside while I pack lunches and freaking out when they are trying to do some skateboard trick off the kitchen door steps.

Then we head to the park where I hoped to run them around and get their energy out before I ran errands...then fast forward to the thrift store where I had to tell them 4 times not to run and not to touch EVERYTHING and when we leave Bodie tells me the lady gave her a car...which I know was not the truth since I was at the counter. I told him if he told me the truth he wouldn't be in trouble, but if he lied to me he would be punished...he then confessed that he found it on the floor and I made him go back into the store to return it (after we were all 4 already in the car and buckled can I add?) then I ran to my friend's store to pick up something I had ordered and they were basically totally out of control - but especially Bryson - causing fights and taking things and pushing his brothers around and not listening to me, so they lost out on getting a cake pop. when bryson heard that due to the way he behaved in the store he and his brothers would not be getting cake pops he collapsed in the middle of the driveway and started screaming/bawling. Can I pause here to tell you Bryson is almost 8 years old? Also bodie was whining and bobby was literally screaming because they just found out they wouldn't be getting their treat they were looking so forward to. So in the car I just lost it. I was embarrassed, frustrated, frazzled, you name whatever intense emotion and I was feeling it. I laid into Bryson for 10 minutes about how his actions affect everyone around him. His punishment for not listening and not staying still was that he had to lay on my bed for 1 hour - no talking - no getting up. When the hour was over he had to do chores all afternoon until dad got home.

That hour when he was in the bed and bobby was also napping was the only hour in my day I felt like I could hear thoughts in my brain and where I didn't feel like running away. Then the hour was over and all that remorse he felt in the car just went away and getting him to do the chores was like pulling teeth...I just couldn't anymore. I just felt like all the fight and all the no, no, no, no and all the punishing and all the correction for all three of them was just weighing on me like a huge damp smelly dank blanket and I couldn't take it.

When Bryan got home I was just a mess. Almost in tears...fighting back tears...i knew I would be no good and Bryan could just see me defeated he told me to just go and he would take care of them. and can i tell you how much I love that man - I could have chosen to lay into him about what a horrible day I had and take it out on him, but instead i just showed the broken-ness and because he loves me immensely (for some reason) - he took care of me. I packed a bag and headed to the gym and I worked out for 2 hours. I did my usual 45 minutes on the elliptical, but at the end, I just said - nope- not done - I worked out harder than I have since I broke my ankle. I made sure to sweat out all that rage and frustration and guilt I was feeling about my day. When I finished and went to a room to do my core work, i had to fight back tears again. There is something super cleansing about physical exercise - the endorphins your body releases...the cleansing act of just sweating out toxins in your body - it releases a lot. I have had my most eye opening talks with God while running - personal breakthroughs. So then I finished and went and sat in the jacuzzi by myself and reflected by myself. I can't remember the last time I have been able to do that. My mind started drifting all over the place, like - what? we can think? lets think about EVERYTHING. ALL AT ONCE. so i took a deep breath and started praying and focusing my thoughts and God started showing me things.

The first image that came into mind was of a girl that we had met at the park that day. A 14 year old girl who was severely developmentally disabled - she couldnt speak but came up to me and grabbed my hand and led me over to the swings because she wanted me to push her...so I did...and God showed me this girl during my prayer and the tears started flowing. Here I was frustrated because I have three crazy boys. Three very healthy, very normal crazy boys. I just felt like the smallest person on the planet at that point. My prayers of "I can't do this" "I don't know what I am doing" started turning to prayers of "Thank you God for blessing us with three healthy crazy boys. Thank you for thinking I am capable of doing this. Please help me to be capable." The second thing he showed me was my husband. I'm not in this alone. I have a partner. God showed this same thing to me right before I had Bobby and it filled me with immediate peace and I had the same reaction last night. No matter what happens...I have a partner. God designed it that way for a reason!

I came home with a renewed spirit. This parenting business is fo reals. I feel like its both the most amazing slash scariest thing I have ever done. I think the toughest thing is the constant putting yourself last business. This is great for anyone who needs to get over themselves (read: me) but is also not so good for people who need time alone to self-reflect and find peace. That balance of maintaining your spirtual/emotional/physical health and at the same time caring for your family to the best of your ability. I won't try to tell you I know how to do this, because...hello...did I tell you about my day yesterday? but it's slowly learning how to navigate in this business of parenting.

A girlfriend and I are leading a life group this fall and we will be discussing the book Grace Based Parenting by Tim Kimmel. I am excited to read this book (I have read a little so far and love it) and even more excited to have girl time and even more excited than that to have discussions with other mamas in the trenches of parenting. It is so nice to hear other war stories because you feel a little more sane...a little more like you aren't destroying your children...a little more like kids everywhere just are sucky for a while. and that is normal! and you are normal! Anwyay - I will end my rant now, I really wanted to flush all of this out while it was fresh for documenting sake and for future reference....and perhaps encouragement for anyone else who might be in the trenches needing a little reminder they aren't alone. YOU AREN'T ALONE!

Barnes Boys - Where They At?

We have been having quite the summer so far! I have been really thankful for my (completely out of character) summer planning. It has really helped me look forward to my time with the boys and also make things less stressful in the morning by planning for it the day before. I think its easy for me to feel like I am kicked out of my own house sometimes...because I kinda am...but lately I have been really grateful that I have this time with them to explore. It was hitting me the other day that some day they might not want to hang out with me all day...then i told myself...that is ridiculous...then i said...oh okay maybe...then i got really sad. So I am thankful for this time - truly. these three boys are so much fun - never a dull (or clean or quiet) moment! I am also thankful I am having Bryson do his summer journal because it has been forcing me to be more intentional documenting and taking pictures. I have not been so good taking pictures with the good camera, so my little phone camera and instagram have been my medium of choice! Enough of me...on to the update!

Bobby Barnes! I found him sitting in this chair in the corner looking sooooo guilty. It was a day I was in the office and when I found him he said "shhh don't tell daddy" - such a little sneak. he cracks me up though...i would always get so mad that my little sister got away with everything...now i get it! If I am working in the office and come out for whatever reason and the boys are there, every single time, bobby will say "yay! you not wooking today!" Every time. so cute. He is doing exactly what bodie and bryson both did around 3 - be obsessed every day on who is watching them...he asks me about a million times. He turns 3 in about 6 weeks...i would love to have this little man potty trained by then, but he might have a different plan. He has used the potty a few different times, but no real desire to make it a habit. 

I think the thing I have noticed more about Bobby lately is that I don't think I have met a kid at 3 who is so confident and calm in their skin. He just is so content usually (counting out over-tired states and states of hunger) and independent and self-entertaining. It's like he knows he can do everything - he knows no other way - like doing an ollie on a skateboard for example...playing golf...riding a 2 wheeler (which he hasnt dont yet, but tries on bodie's bike all the time) My other boys are to an extent, but not at Bobby level. It is pretty extraordinary. His spirit is contagiously joyous.

Bryson! Green Lightening! Golf season started up. Actually golf season is year round (11 months), but he plays soccer in the fall and baseball in the spring and since those things are already 2-3x a week, it can get over-kill. He has played 3 tournaments so far - 2nd place, 5th place and 6th place. He has shown a lot of growth and his attitude is getting so much better! He is not super competitive, of which I am grateful, but I can tell he wants to win. I could tell this last tournament he was kinda bummed not to get a medal. These kids he plays against are just crazy good. It blows me away that 7 year olds are playing like this. It isn't something I can even describe with words since I don't know golf that well...but they are making Eagle shots...and the 1st place winners are usually under par. 

Bryson is also way into fishing right now. He won our TMAFI title this year and now it is ALL he wants to do. for instance, bryan is at the beach right now with the boys and bryson had to take along a rod. we went camping this weekend and it was all he wanted to do. I am not complaining by the way - I would be ever so happy if all my boys take to fishing - Sierras here we come! I don't know what it is about this age - but it seems like he is such a different kid than last summer. He is starting to make his own sense of things and process things a little more maturely. I am excited to see how he continues to grow. He is trying hard right now and I can tell...and try to tell him every day that I notice and I appreciate it.  

Bodie O! Isn't this the saddest picture? 4 years old can be rough sometimes. 

Dear Bodie, You are getting older to understand things, but lack the patience when adults tell you (all the time) to WAIT. when you are hungry that means you need to eat RIGHT NOW. when you have to pee (what is up with your small bladder by the way?) you have to do it RIGHT NOW. when you want a glass of water, better make it RIGHT NOW. the hardest part of your life is waiting. mom is always busy...its rough. i get it. This waiting business will serve you bodie...its good not to expect everything RIGHT NOW. we are not ignoring you....we are teaching valuable life lessons here...for free! you are welcome. Love, mom

Bodie has also been actively trying to be a better big brother to Bobby. I praise him whenever I can and if he shares with Bobby or gets something for him, I make sure to tell Bobby "Bodie shared that piece of bread with you because he loves you". I believe it helps associate actions with loving...maybe? it makes them feel good when I say it anyway...I am trying to be more intentional on the praising...on the details. I am not a "praiser" by nature...i kind of expect people to do the right thing the right way, so I am not wired like that - but I want to be different in that. I recently read this blog post and it was a little convicting. I want my kids to remember their mom praising them...not criticizing all the time. I feel like I am constantly correcting...constantly saying no...so it feels good to my soul to encourage when i can. so there is an update for me too, i guess! 

Barnes Boys - Where They At!

What About Me?

Let Me See Your Guns!

ohmigosh...i love this first picture...so how it is right now. Bryson and Bodie -sitting in the back-est seat of the car, singing their made-up songs...bobby in the row ahead trying to sing too and them both yelling at him to be quiet...or bryson and bodie on their bike/scooter and bobby several feet behind yelling "Way Up!"...bryson and bodie playing catch and bobby running in the middle and them yelling at him to go away. Its tough being the youngest. 

Bryan and I always wanted three since we both come from families with three kids and its the chaos we know, but i kinda think that if we had a fourth there wouldn't be as many fights, since there would be even numbers? is that ridiculous? there is just so much ganging up on over here. luckily the fights are loud and quick...they dont fester over anything. a quick "i'm sorry" usually stops the tears...for that i am grateful. we are working on the whole slow to anger bit...myself included (big time)

Bodie. Man Bodie - This last week you were such a stinker! Bryson wasn't around and you took the opportunity to become master tormentor of Bobby. Sneaky things like going up to him and whispering "You're not my friend" for no apparent reason. Splashing him when you thought i wasn't looking (and looking around before you did it because you knew it was wrong). Taking anything he might have in his hands because you can. Telling him to do naughty things for a quarter. I think you spent most of your time in time out or crying about being in time out when you weren't terrorizing Bobby. We had lots of talks about what a special role a big brother is - and how you need to protect your little brother. You are the only one who is both a little brother and a big brother...cool stuff! 

Even so...every day I see you learning. You are the quickest to say "okay mom" and the first one to want to help. You have a big giant heart and your smile melts me! 

Bobby Barnes - You are such a hoot! You manage to get so dirty every day. It is natural to always carry an extra change of clothes with me whenever I leave the house for you and 9 out of 10 times you come home in that extra outfit. You love mud puddles and any type of fountain. I love your little zest for adventure and your natural curiosity! you are a pretty rad kid. 

Like the first picture though- you are always trying so hard...to keep up...to play with your brothers...to do things you really shouldn't be able to do yet...to run faster....climb higher...and i know that is so natural for the youngest, but please stop! you are my baby...do you know what that means? that means you need to stay a little baby-ish a little while longer. i know this is an impossible request...but a mama can hope!

Bryson - we had a rough beginning of the month, but you have been trying so so hard to change your attitude and I see that! I am so proud of you for making such an effort to control your emotions. This last week I took you out on a date and we had so much fun. I was trying to teach you how to be a gentleman (we have had lots of talks lately about how a gentleman acts) and told you about what to do on a date. We talked about asking people questions to get to know each other and I asked you to think of some questions to ask me. You asked "How did you and daddy meet?" and "When did you and daddy first date?" and "How did LA Pool Guys get started?" You blew me away by your thoughtful questions...i thought you would ask my favorite food or something...I think you are going to be quite a fun date for some lucky lady one day! 

Easter Brunch-E-Que

We celebrated this Easter Holiday with our college buddies in Santa Barbara for the annual Brunch-E-Que. Although this has been going on for (i believe) 8 years..this is only our third time joining in the fun! (Read about 2011 here and here 2010 here - oh my goodness how big our boys are now!).

We started the day with Easter service at All Saints Episcopal Church. It was a beautiful service and Bryson stayed in big church with us and asked me all sorts of questions. I was happy he could experience a liturgical service and hope that we can continue to introduce him to different ways to worship. After church we headed back to a friend's house for brunch and egg hunting and then eventually dinner. The day was a bit rainy and curbed our park plans, but it was very low-key day - and i feel like i was able to catch up with almost everyone...which is always an amazing goal since we also have 10 little ones running around through it all!

Whenever I am doing our statements and invoicing for our business I turn on This American Life (this will be related, promise) because the whole process lacks brain power...This last one I listened to was on Tribes (listen to it here) and I told Bryan - this is our tribe. It is just nice to have a group of people that you truly feel like you belong with. And how sweet it has been to be in this child-rearing phase with them - and watch our littles hunting eggs together. so fun!

Barnes Boys - Where They At

Bobby - Bobby has been learning new words at such an amazing rate. Every day he seems to have a new expression and some new word he learned. Right now he says "dang" a lot and its pretty stinkin cute. We try to get as much of him on video that we can, but its hard with this butterfly. He likes to entertain us with "zombie baby" and his amazing dance moves. Him and Bodie are learning how to navigate their play time with each other...they are not the best of playmates right now. Bodie has trouble understanding not to take every single thing from Bobby...luckily Bobby is pretty good at holding his own "I no like that, Bodie" is a frequent phrase one hears most mornings. 

Bryson started baseball up again. His best friend Asher is on the team - which makes this year so exciting for him. At the last game he hit two home runs! He is playing so well- and also having a lot of fun...because i wouldn't do it if he wasn't...The cutest is that Bryson helps dress Bodie in his baseball stuff from last year every game. Bodie has to wear his Pirates uniform every game. Looks like this baseball thing isn't leaving us...we will be spending a lot of time at these fields! 3 kids doing games - i reckon we will be at the fields every day! oy! Also - Bryson has some new obsessions over the last couple of months - Basketball at school has now replaced tetherball. He plays for about 2 hours every day, plus gets home from school and plays. He also is obsessed with his skateboard and going to the skate park. Bryan is less than thrilled about this - i am waiting until my broken bone heals, before I frequent there again - only one major injury at a time is my motto!

Bodie O - Bodie has been doing basically anything Bryson does. Bryson loves basketball, so naturally Bodie too. The best thing I have seen is that Bodie is now able to play catch with Bryson - they have been playing together so well (for the most part) which makes it easier to deal with the not-so-brotherly-love between Bodie and Bobby right now. Bodie has been sad about me being down. He likes our time together and I can't be there as much and he being the closest thing to a "mama's boy" I have - I know it has been difficult.

These boys are so much fun. So much work, but so much fun! I am constantly feeling blessed to have them - for all they are - God knew what He was doing giving me boys, I think. :)

Broken and Healing and Learning - An Update

I just saw my last post was from January. Oh my. So much has happened since then! but such is life. I feel like a bit of an update is in order!

February brought so much fun for me. I was able to celebrate all kinds of birthdays - for Ruth, for Rashelle and for Julia. And lucky for me- each of those celebrations included girls only! 2 of them were overnight ordeals and 2 included museums and dinners and amazing kid-free adult girly conversation. I walked away from each event so blessed to have such amazing women a part of my life. I feel like with all the men and boys I have to deal with on a daily basis, there is always an exhale when I get to spend time with good girlfriends. There is such an ease of understanding and relating that just is missing with men :)

February also brought a special visit from Bryan's parents, the fun of Valentines - a very special date for Bryan and I at the sky room- A family Valentines celebration - a Clippers game....




The very end of February, however, I broke my ankle - I was trying to slide into the skate park to retrieve a scooter, and my right foot buckled and I heard a "pop" - a truly horrifying sound...i knew it meant nothing good. Luckily, my phone was in my back pocket - I was able to call Bryan and prop myself up on a skateboard and wheel myself over to the stairs and use the rail to hop out of the park and wait for my husband to come rescue me...It was awful and one of the more painful experiences I have had. Tomorrow will mark 6 weeks from the initial accident and I have come so far, but I still feel like I have so much farther to go. Turns out, I am not the best patient (no surprise there) and also turns out, my husband is amazing. I was blown away by the support of friends and family. My mom flew out the day of my surgery (A titanium plate and 6 screws to hold together a displaced fibula fracture) and helped fill in my spot and took care of us all so well. It has been a definite shift in the norm - it means me in the office more- our kids at the house more (which is not so conducive to business getting done) and me having to let go of all kinds of things...like messes...like laundry...like driving.

I am not always the person to try to make sense of everything - I am an optimist - I will admit - but sometimes crappy things just happen and there are lessons to be learned, sure, but it gets disheartening when other people try to make sense of it all for you - "maybe God was telling you that you needed to rest" - that kind of thing. it bugs me. God could have used a different way to tell me that...like something that actually allowed me to rest...i haven't slept through the night in a month - i have been wearing my boot to bed - and there is no comfortable way to sleep in that thing! but that aside, I have been trying to be open to this lesson. An over-riding aspect that have helped keep my spirits up (it has been my biggest challenge just to fight depression on a daily basis) is that I am surrounded by amazing community. My friends have been picking my kids up and dropping them off various places...my MOPs mamas have been bringing our family meals - which have been a true blessing! My mom sacrificed her time to be Carlee 2.0 for a week. My husband has been doing everything he normally does, plus all my duties without a single complaint (other than chastising me for trying to do too much). I don't know why/how I deserve such amazing love, but it speaks to God's love in such a tangible way - it makes me pretty teary and sappy just thinking about it.

One good thing to already come of it is my kids are doing more because I am not able to do it. There is more cleaning of their room (when I would just do it because it took me 5 minutes and them an hour of constant correcting and arguing and whining and this isn't my mess - and just too much work in general to add another battle to my day) thanks to Bryan - and also cleaning in general. Picking up and putting away. There has been less dependence on me- which is a good thing. I am starting to see that these boys are going to be useful in the future...and capable...which is such a weird thought when I feel like for the past 7 years I have been in the mode of constant caring for other people...all of the sudden there is this shift. Its simultaneously thrilling and bittersweet.

I want to thank everyone for their prayers and concerns and thoughts and meals and help with the kids and want you all to know how very special it all means to me. I am constantly amazed at the generosity of people.

(So...here we are caught up to April. I will post a Barnes Boys Update too...although I have not been venturing out much - they certainly have:) )