Being Intentional - An Update

Something I struggle with is being intentional. I am a pretty fly by the pants type of gal - so planning and thinking ahead are a struggle for me - it is also something I wanted to work on personally since last year I found so much satisfaction in meal planning and summer planning. It really made a difference on the entire family dynamic and flow when i took the time out to be thoughtful in my planning. So - I wanted to take it a step further this year and commit to dating every boy in my family. What this looked like was every month of of the kiddos got to have special time with me alone. The first time I picked what we did and the second time I let them choose. With Bryan - we have been taking turns once a month doing a more planned date than dinner or a movie...something different or new or special to be intentional and discover new things. We will be celebrating 13 years in a little over a month, so it can be difficult to stretch out of your comfort zone - but it has been so so fun. I wanted to recap everything so far for posterity and inspiration!

Bryson: I took Bryson in January to Bower's Kids Museum. It was kind of a bust. I had never been before and thought it was bigger than it was. We only spent like an hour there and we were both over it. We did every room and every activity and were like, bleh. I felt bad the museum was such a dud that I took him to the $2 theater in Santa Ana and let him pick Panda Express at the food court for dinner. So I think it made up for it. On our second date in April, Bryson really wanted me to golf with him. So we played Little Rec and then went to Sushi Studio for dinner. I am really enjoying going with Bryson golfing. It is something I have future goals for since this is a way I will be able to spend time with all my boys when they get older. I have learned that boys desire shoulder to shoulder friendship and golf is a great game that allows that type of non-pressure conversation and friendship to happen and it is making me fall in love with it...even though i am awful...even though it is a frustrating game...even though i still find it pretty high on the boring scale.

Bodie: In February I took Bodie to a putt putt place (my choice) and then we ate pizza - in May I took Bodie to a putt putt place (his choice) and we ate at Islands. Bodie is hilarious on a date. He is so different one on one than with his brothers. He is very reserved and quiet, but when you are still and let him have a long time to think he will surprise you with his thoughtfulness and what is on his mind (much like his father!)

Bobby: In March I took Bobby to Pretend City in Irvine. Bobby destroyed that place! I realized that Bobby indoors is kind of insane (unless maybe a bounce house type place?) He was all over the place - I wanted him to discover each station and take his time playing at each one and NOOOO....he was like - look a store - whiz, bang everything off the shelf, run for the door - onto the farm - take out all the fruit on the trees, try to dig a million holes, and zoom onto the plumbing part...etc etc - i was EXHAUSTED at the end. Like exhausted. I forget where we had dinner. i was pooped! I am supposed to take him somewhere in June - he wants to go to a putt putt place, but I can not imagine him being able to do mini golf...maybe the bouncing place would be better?

Bryan: We have had fun! There have been intentional dates just the two of us, but some of our most fun and memorable times has been for birthdays. In January we went roller skating. In February I got a groupon for a clay wheel class. In March we had an evening in the most amazing house in LB for a 30th birthday. In April Bryan took me overnight to a fancy dinner movie theater and hotel on the beach. In May we went to Groundlings in LA for a night of comedy improv and to our total shock of awesomeness Kristen Wiig was in the cast! Such a blast - we laughed the entire time! Other memorable dates include a birthday for Julie at the Monarch Bay Beach Club - dinner and smore's under the sky in front of the ocean in the sand - such a fun and wonderful night. A Clippers game where we sat in the Second Row!! thank you to his cousin for that! A night out in Palm Springs where we could take our time and enjoy conversation. We have been blessed with a lot of wonderful occasions and great friends- who throw great parties!

Barnes Fam - Where We all At - April

Man - I know it has only been a few weeks since I last posted, but in that short time we have driven over 2,000 miles!! Earlier in April we learned that Bryans paternal Grandma Pearl passed away and so we made our way up to Sacramento (and then San Jose) to celebrate her life. The whole family met a bowling alley (bowling was one of her passions) and after we met and shared a delicious meal and shared stories of her life and the siblings spoke. It was so nice to see his family - We haven't had a family reunion for a few years and so this is the first time a lot of them had met Bobby in person, so it was so fun to reconnect and laugh and dance and eat together! 

The Barnes siblings

Did I get them????

Bryson has been practicing like crazy. He is really on a roll right now and there is no stopping him! Yesterday at his tournament he got 2nd place - which has not happened for a long time and he was so proud! (so were we!) We also learned that he was accepted to The Pinehurst U.S. Kids Golf World Championships. He was beyond thrilled! About a year ago Bryson watched the documentary Short Game and decided that would be him the next year and he made it happen! This won't be a cheap event, but my dad is sponsoring the hotel stay and my brother is sponsoring the plane tickets - so blessed to have their support! Oh and Bryson is putting $100 of his own money toward the tournament fee. 

Bodie - Bodie has been busy with play dates and torturing the cat and school. He has this really funny rap he does called "the cold 9" and sometimes busts it out for people...plus he listens to the kids bop station and knows every top 40 pop hit right now. he is definitely my most musically inclined child and it always surprises me because he isnt typically an entertainer. we want him to record his rap for reals because he is going to want to see that when he gets older - it is too cute!

Bobby - Bobby has been just so super sweet lately. I dont know if it is because he is almost 4, but that kid is so fun right now! the only complaint i have is the amount of mess cleaning i have to do with that kid, but i will take that over tantrums and emotional fits any day! 

Barnes Boys - Where They At? March

I am going to go ahead and title this update March, even though it is technically April, because then I only skipped one month of the updates, ha! I haven't been so inspired to write, not sure why. I haven't been inspired in a lot of areas - working out, sewing, cooking, crafting...and I am so okay with that. I know it will come back - I will do those things again with passion one day (maybe) soon...but for now - I am just keeping busy on all kinds of fronts. I am keeping up with being intentional though - happy to report - Bryan and I have been on 2 intentional fabulous dates  - I have been on dates with all three boys - Bryson to the Kids Museum and a movie - Bodie to a mini golf course and Bobby to Pretend City. I have been writing hand written letters every week. It has brought a lot of little blessings to my life and I know I will never regret taking the time to do these things. I am also being intentional with my self and trying to listen to that small still voice and be more present. I am also failing a lot. I lost it on the two littles the other day - trying my darndest not to yell, but man - those two and their constant fighting puts me over the edge...my house is a big giant mess too...i had every intention of a big spring clean fest and yard sale and it is looking more and more like that will never happen. this bothers me because clutter bothers me and every room seems so cluttered to me - but i just am kind of living in the chaos because we are rarely home on the weekends to take care of it. Learning to give myself an extra dose of grace and know that it will eventually happen.

The month of March for me (and us) was equal parts amazing and heartbreaking. My Grandpa Wally passed away, but as sad and horrible and heart wrenching that is - the memorial service was so great - really restorative for my family and there has been such amazing light showing through those cracks, it is hard to be sad for too long when you dwell on that. I also got to get away with my mom and sister(s) to Carlsbad for a weekend - also a girls day with my Westmont girls to the Getty- lets just say i am trying to balance out all this very boy time with plenty of girly girl time! I have a supportive husband who understands my plight :) This month I started caddying Bryson once a week and he started giving me lessons - I am just throwing up a white flag and giving in to this whole golf thing. I figure I will need to if I ever want to spend time with my boys when they are older.

Bobby!! I swear, like 5 times a day either myself or Bryan exclaim, "Bobby is such a rad kid!" I was watching him at the beach yesterday afternoon just absolutely delighting in him - his big teethy smile, his amazing chest forward all out run, his giggle, his lightening fast pace, his jumping in the water then running to cover himself with sand, just everything. He can be equal parts a stinker, don't get me wrong - but just such a joy of a kid! We were at a birthday party for his best buddy and there was a skateboard and all the adults were just watching him and laughing and I decided there needed to be a bobby reality show - he is so entertaining. Bobby has been playing all kinds of sports - loves baseball right now. He is still committed to his paci and "baby" and that needs to probably change, but I know it will be the end of him napping and when that happens, 4:00pm will be when hell on earth happens in the form of cranky bobby. I heard someone casually remark that the youngest child always shirks responsibility on other people, and that stuck with me, because I can totally see why that happens. I am trying to be more conscious of that with him and stick to my guns (which is hard with the third) and make sure he finishes whatever I make him start :) 

Bodie O!! Bodie started T ball - The Marauders. It is his first time playing baseball and this is my first baseball season where I can actually watch a baseball game. For the last 3 seasons I chased babies or nursed babies or both. So I am enjoying this and Bodie is such a slugger - every game I hear people talking about him and how good he is and I make sure to tell him. I think sometimes he feels...actually I know sometimes he feels like he is in his brother's shadow because Bryson gets so much attention for golf, but this kid is going to be amazing all on his own and I tell him so every chance I get! We do coach pitching for t-ball and bodie hit one the other game and it hit the fence! which is not done often in t-ball! he was really proud of himself! he is also making friends and goofing off every chance he can get too! 

We have had some struggles with pre-school and listening and sitting still and I struggle with that in him as well. Trying to find a balance between what is absolutely normal for a boy and for a bodie and also expectations on how to behave. I navigate these waters very carefully. Bodie also likes to fixate on things - that first picture of him is at a physical (for Kindergarten enrollment!) and he thought he was going to get a shot and he was freaking out and crying and trying to escape for 2 hours. Turns out he didnt need one so that was all for nothing (sigh). Also trying to figure out how to navigate that whole thing as well. 

Bryson! Can you see him...teeny tiny kayak-er! Bryan found a (brand new) kayak at a yard sale for $75 last week! so we have been itching to take it out for a spin and a gorgeous day yesterday made us do just that! it fits inside my car so i will be able to take it out by mysefl (i struggle with tying anything to the roof of my car) So excited to get some arm muscles!!

Bryson has been golfing like a mad man. He has been practicing every day - I have gotten to go out with him a bunch. He has been trying to work on not losing his stuff when he misses a birdie putt or makes a bad shot - and Bryan said at his last tournament he played great and held it together amazing, so maybe I can proclaim progress? we shall see. Golf is such a great spot for learning patience and self-control. also integrity. I am so proud of this kid though - for his determination and his drive and his focus. He got third place last week and it was such a show of how hard he has been working - so proud! He has a couple weeks off and I am trying to get him to do other things than golf...but seriously its all the kid wants to do! He didn't complain about kayaking though - he fished off of it yesterday - so fun! Also should mention - he shot 2 under on the back nine at Heartwell and got his best score (38) at little rec this month! 

Other big bryson news - we have decided to homeschool him next year. After beginning this school year and Bryson asking every day and me thinking in my mind, no friggin way...we have come to this. it is both scary and super exciting. He hasn't had the best experience this year and HATES hates hates school, so learning how to LOVE learning again for him is top priority for me! We will be doing some classes in a classroom, classes with friends, private tutoring with Auntie and of course lessons at home. I think he is going to have so much fun! Bodie is already asking to be home schooled too...and I have considered it, but don't think I have the personal time to teach him the basics of reading/writing. We will see how this year goes and how well it fits in with our business, etc. 

Grandpa Wally

My dear Grandpa passed away last week. I was asked to write a paragraph in memory of my Grandpa Wally. I instantly became overwhelmed by that idea since it is not in my nature to be "brief". I look at the photo above and i remember that shirt he wore. I remember before he retired always smelling like oil. Motor oil mostly. I remember his hands - being a running joke in our family because they were always so dirty. Even now when my oldest son comes home from playing at school, his hands filthy and dirt caked under it nails, it simultaneously grosses me out and makes me fondly remember my Grandpa. Funny how that is.

What I think my Grandpa's legacy was - was the way he loved life - the way he loved people. I remember he used to talk to EVERYBODY. if we were sitting waiting for a table at a restaurant - he would strike up a conversation with the person next to him. Elevator? he would talk to you. It made an impression on me because its not an easy thing to do when you get older. It is vulnerable. But he genuinely cared about people- yes, even strangers. Also - he made an impression on me that there was nothing beneath him. I remember a sermon I heard in high school in which the priest was describing a Bishop cleaning off tables before a church event and he asked the Bishop if there wasn't something else he should be doing and the Bishop told him, "There is no service too small" - it made me think of my Grandpa. I know when my parents would leave for the weekend and if Grandpa and Grandma watched us my dad would leave a To Do list for Grandpa. That is how he loved - he took care of his people. You had a cat that needed to be put out of its misery? Grandpa was there with a shovel in 10 minutes. You had a garage door that didn't work? Grandpa would come down and take care of it.

You know how you go to a play and it is amazing and the sets are incredible and the singing is amazing and at the end the actors take all the credit, but really if you were to take away all the work that the people behind the curtain did, it would have been a cheesy living room production. I think of my Grandpa like that - he was a backstage worker and was fine not receiving the credit, even if he was the reason for the amazing play.

I am very thankful to have grown up so close to my Grandma and Grandpa. I am thankful for the values he helped me to instill by seeing the very ways he practiced them (not necessarily preach). I am thankful for the stories I will continue to share with people. Stories that before seemed sad to share because it was a reminder that my Grandpa was not able to do and be the person he was before- but now it is a celebration since he is up in Heaven playing pranks and belly laughing. I can't wait to see you again Grandpa! In the meantime, I will just continue to share about your life and how you loved and try to make you proud (since I know I was your favorite :) )

Barnes Boys - Where They At? January

We made it through the holidays...barely. sadly, Christmas Day found me and Bryson completely wiped out - the next day took down Bodie and Bobby and for the rest of the week we were pathetic - coughing, fevers and all around general lousy feeling. I still am battling some of it come to think of it! But - I find that I can't complain...too much. Our boys do not get sick often. In fact, that was the worst of all last year for sure! - sad and anti-climactic to have it happen on a holiday, but there is an underlying gratefulness that our immune systems function pretty great. 

I was able to keep up with the updates pretty well last year - (i only missed 3 months) I hope to keep it up because things change with these guys so much in just a month, it is fun for me to go back and see a little slice of our life in those updates. 

Bobby! In Bobby news he learned how to ride a bike without training wheels! I got a new bike for Christmas and Bryson did too, which meant Bobby got Bodie's old bike and Bodie got Bryson's...so....we have been riding bikes just about every day and I am loving it! We rode his bike down to the marina parking lot a couple weeks ago to let him practice and he just got it so fast. I am so proud of him! He is pretty stoked...already is trying to jump curbs and go off ramps. He constantly says, "did you see my trick?" and no doubt will cause me the heart attack i know is coming with having three boys. Christmas was so fun with Bobby! Santa came to Christmas Eve and Bobby just hugged him and was so stoked! He said his favorite presents were bey blades. 

 Bodie! I need to write a post on his birthday - so fun - five is so cool. Bodie is such a rad little dude - i just love him! He does ninja kicks all the time - if he eats something he loves he has to get out of the chair and do a little dance (with the most serious of face of course) and tells me about a hundred times a day how much he loves me. He will either say, I love you one thousand ninety one, or I love you so much that you are beautiful. He graduated to the bigger bike and is also loving bike rides. He can go faster now and tries to race Bryson every chance he can get. I took Bodie the other day with me, just him, to run errands and we had so much fun - the most fun things come out of his little imagination - i just want to be him for one day to see how that mind of him works!

Bryson - I took Bryson out on a date the other night. He has been looking forward to some one on one time and I realized just how important it is for both of us to do that. I am trying to be intentional this year. It is my theme for myself this year. Part of that is being intentional with the boys. I want to take one out for a date every month, so that by years end each will have had 3 dates with me. I remember my dad doing this with us and it was only like once a year, but they have special memories for me since it was one on one time that doesn't happen as often as one would like when you have 2 other siblings. Anyway - I took him to the Bower's Kidseum and it was kind of a bust, so then we went to the cheap theaters and watched a (horrible) movie and ate in the food court. He loved that he could pick from any of the placed (Panda Express) and we had some good conversation. I am concerned about him at school and the friends he is hanging out with and we talked about it. He is still asking me to home school him. He gave me all his reasons - he wouldn't have to spend as much time on school work and he would have more time for other things he enjoys doing (GOLF!) and because he wants to be around me more. While I am flattered, I am also sort of shocked that he still feels this way...i thought for sure he would be changing his tune by now. I just haven't seen him enjoy school at all this year and it has been heavy on my heart - especially lately. 

Also - Bryson started basketball and LOVES it! His team is The Thunder and he is playing with a local NJB league. The boys also got a basketball hoop for Christmas (thank you Auntie Mandie) so that is just about all Bryson does after homework is done. Even after the sun goes down - there is a light out there that works just fine! The only bummer about his league is that all their games are on Sundays during church except one. 

Barnes Boys - Where They At?

We are right in the thick of the Holidays...actually I think we may have left the thick behind with this weekend and look forward to a relaxing rest of the year...at least that is the "plan" anyway. After coming back from an amazing Thanksgiving holiday, we got swept right back into non-stop guests and parties. This last weekend we celebrated St. Lucia day with my brother, sister and dad and all the people associated with those people, then on Saturday we went up to Sierra Madre to celebrate a traditional Swedish Christmas that my lovely cousin Henrik and his wife Anna were so gracious to host, then on Sunday we watched Bodie perform in the church choir and went straight from there to the SWEA St. Lucia Festival in LA. I did not take nearly enough pictures - I don't feel like there was much down time and I definitely need a weekend for my weekend, but it was all good fun...all good Swedish fun, ja sure! 

Bryson - Bryson finished up golf for the year at Heartwell - we went to their annual Awards party and were surprised to find he placed 1st in the beginner flight of a 3 day tournament they played back in September! He was so pumped. He slept with it and carried it with him and kept saying "This is my second 1st place trophy I ever got. I just can't believe it" and he also said, "Mom, 1st place is like sooooo much better than 2nd place and all the other places". His front teeth have yet to come in, which has amassed quite the attention of joke time in our family, as well as several renditions of "All I want for Christmas are my two front teeth". Bryson is about to start basketball (practices start next week....what?) and thanks to his Auntie Mandie giving them a basketball hoop for Christmas- that is all that is on the boys mind lately. Bryson's letter to Santa includes the following:

"A rainbow loom kit (the big one that has thos clear rubber bands) and a mini go cart, and a bike because i did knot get one for my birthday with was Nov' 8, and can i have 4 bey wheels and 4 bey blades. and can I have super maryo galexy number two. for Bryson"

Bodie - this is of Bodie singing in his choir - his face looked like this the whole time - and every time I looked at him I giggled. He is just the sweetest little soul! He asked to practice every day. He was given a verse to recite also and asked me to ask him every day. He took the whole thing very seriously! Bryson couldn't be a part of it this year because practices were on Sundays, when Bryson had his golf tournaments and Bobby was too young, so this was a special thing just for Bodie - probably the first time to happen in his little life and he was just beaming - so proud. It was pretty awesome to watch! Bodie has no organized anything now until baseball season - of which I am a little grateful - because i could use a month of just 1 sport :) 

This is what Bryson wrote to Santa on Bodie's behalf:

"for Bodie. Bodie would like 6 bey blades and 6 bey wheels. and just a rainbow loom tini kit. thank you" (please note the length difference of bryson's list and bodie's)

Bobby - oops...i am so bad and do not have a recent picture of Bobby...Bobby - we love you sooo much and are too busy kissing your sweet face to take your picture :) So I am including this pic of all the cousins and I just love how excited Bobby is to be holding his sweet little niece. Bobby is so much fun this Christmas! It is his first Christmas really starting to understand everything and every time he sees a house all lit up with lights something fancy he breaks out into "jingle bells" - it is pretty stinking cute! he is just an absolute joy and an absolute terror at the same time. That boy just thinks to destroy everything! i am shocked our ornaments are still on the tree and the presents are still wrapped - first time ever leaving presents under the tree since bryson was a baby! 

This is what Bryson wrote to Santa on Bobby's behalf:

"for Bobby. My Brother Bobby would like just 1 bey wheel. 3 bey blades. and a bike. a two wheeler. and he wants a stuft anamle monkey that has a big baby on its tummy"

Thanksgiving in Tahoe

The boys look absolutely thrilled their mom made them get in a fake canoe thing

Following Meema around the lake

All the boys on a Thanksgiving walk

At the lake on a hike

On a hike with Bodie and Bryson - Bodie led the way back and was soooo proud of himself!

Teaching Bryson to crochet. Here you can see the beginning of the scarf he made for Riley!

Bodie in Bodie!

So picturesque!

The Barnes family got together in Tahoe this year for Thanksgiving. We took Bryson out of school for the whole week and it was so nice to have such extended quality time with each other and family. We came up to San Jose early and celebrated Bob's birthday by playing 9 holes with the WHOLE family. Yup - the Griffins and Kimmy and Kirk and all the grandkids. So fun! i even played! bryan took a picture, but he took one of me missing the ball, so we just won't show that here for posterity sake. I actually played okay and Bryson was sincerely shocked that I could hit the ball. I also remembered why I haven't played in 10 years - that game is SO hard!

We enjoyed the weekend with the family and headed up to Tahoe on Tuesday. Bryan's maternal grandfather has a cabin up there that he has had since Bryan was a kid, so it is pretty special to have our children creating memories in that same cabin. We did not have a single plan or place to go, except for to eat a Thanksgiving meal on Thanksgiving, so that was so amazingly amazing. We watched a lot of movies, caught up on some reading, did puzzles, drank lots of hot chocolate and apple cider, went on lots of hikes, bryson raked up pine needles (for about 3 hours), we found a hill to sled, i taught bryson to crochet and bryan and i even got to hit the casinos!

The only bummer is that I forgot the good camera, so all I have to document are silly phone pictures. I also did not take nearly enough photos, which has been a thing lately - but when it feels forced or I'm not excited about it, I think its a good sign to just be in the moment. And I definitely had a desire to be in the moment. To slow down. We do not get to take much time off in the summer, so in the winter holidays we try to take advantage and really take a vacation, and I can honestly say it was a restful one.

On the way home we took the back way (395) down and one of our stops we wanted to make was Bodie - so we finally got to take Bodie to Bodie! It was so much fun and he was sooooo excited and felt so special. On the way in Bryan thought I paid and I had thought he paid, so on our way back to the car we saw the ranger writing tickets and so we booked it back- bryan threw bodie in the car and went to grab a payment envelope - the ranger asked him if we just had gotten there and Bodie said yes and then offered up to him that his name is Bodie, like the town Bodie...so he saved us a ticket (unknowingly) and bragged- way to go! It was neat to take them to one of my favorite spots. You always see something new and I always leave with a yearning to learn more about the town. I love learning about that time in our history...maybe because it is the only real history California has...but its interesting to me.

So happy we were able to spend that time with Bryan's parents and family - they are very dear to us and our children, so getting a good chunk of quality time is good for everyone's soul. Plus I am pretty lucky to have a mother in law who enjoys waking up with my children :)